Friday, May 22, 2009

Defending My Honor

Dear readers,
Maybe you’ve noticed, I like to write. Every English class or creative writing class I’ve taken, I’ve sailed through. Writing is one of my strong points. Far more than speaking, math, art, etc. In my letters about Safe Haven, I can be passionate or persuasive. I can be informative or funny. I can get you fired up or make you cry. I. Can. Write.
However, the Illinois Certification Testing System says that I cannot.
You see, my test results were released today. Got a near perfect score on reading comprehension, but received the minimum passing score on the writing portion. I ask you, how can this be? Even math, the subject that I struggle with, I scored pretty well. But WRITING?! Who the hell scored this? Shakespeare?? Whose standard did I not live up to??!! I must know!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Things I've Screwed Up This Week

My bank account
My friend's birthday
Forgetting awards ceremony
AND forgetting the kids' spring concert.

I'm really on a roll now! Wednesday was the Spring Concert at the kids' school. Have I mentioned how much I love the school?? Anyway - FIVE minutes before we're set to leave, Daimean tells me he's supposed to dress like a hobo. So I whip up a hobo costume in five minutes. Then he tells me he can't find his shoes (while I'm desperately trying to find something approprate to wear in the 90 degree heat) but he's SURE they're in the car. Fine, I say, just put them on when you get in the car, and he proceeds to walk out in his socks.
Halfway to school I ask him if he's got his shoes on, and he says no, they must be at school.
After threatening to send him to a boarding school in Malaysia, we park and he walks into the school WITH NO SHOES ON. I have never been so embarassed in all my life.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Cloning 101

This is getting ridiculous. My brain obviously doesn’t work any longer. My internal calendar is broken.

First, I forget my BFFs birthday. Then today, I blank on an awards ceremony at an alternative HS. What the hell is wrong with me? And now that I think about it, I left a load of laundry in the washer this morning and forgot to throw it in the dryer before I left for work. *sigh* A mother’s work is never done.

You know who’s going to perfect cloning? A mom. Because we need to be in 6 places at one time, attend meetings, work, remember basketball practice, do laundry, cook meals consistently, pack lunches for field trips….. And it’s hardly possible for one person to do it all. And how am I supposed to manage going to school if I can’t get things straight NOW?!

I *did* actually make it to the awards ceremony, and brought the certificate of recognition with me. Thanks to a flexible work schedule, I can also pick up Belly at 3pm because he cried when I told him he needed to go to after care today. And when I get there, I’ll finish the laundry, check homework, prepare for BOTH of the financial aid meetings I have tomorrow, and possibly, maybe even cook dinner.

Stop the world. I want to get off!

Monday, May 18, 2009

I am a Terrible Human Being

You know when everything seems to be happening all at once,and it's all you can do to remember what day is it? Well guess what? I do NOT know what day it is. In fact, I'm four freakin days off.
Today I bought a birthday card for my best friend. It's a card that says "Sisters are a gift from God" and it shows an angel. On the inside, the angel has turned evil and it says, "An angry, vengeful God!"
I thought it was hilarious. And I actually said to myself, hurry up and mail this because you've only got two days until her birthday. Because her birthday is May 16th. Duh, because it falls on the same day every year, and has for the last 20 some years that I've known her.
So what's the problem?
I thought today was May 14th. And it is not.
Just checked my bank account online and was startled by the relatively large balance, because in my mind, it's not payday yet.
Which means not only did I *NOT* call my best friend on her birthday, I also am late in paying bills.
What the hell is wrong with me?! I've officially lost it. So where did those 4 days go? Have I been in a fog? A disassociative fugue??
I feel awful :(
And if you're reading this, Angie, I'm sorry that I'm an awful friend, and a terrible human being.

Love Me Cancerously...

That Ludo song, “Love Me Dead” has been *stuck* in my head for a week now. You’ve got the sign of the beast, you’re born of a jackal! (If that makes no sense, then you HAVE to hear the song)

What is love? It’s when you want to hang out with your spouse more than anyone else. When does love make you cry? Only when you’re laughing so hard that you can’t stand up. Like I was yesterday. In fact, just thinking about it made me snort just now.

What is a parent? It’s the two otherwise sane and adult people who are excited to attend the upcoming Teddy Bear picnic with their 5 year old. I’ve never been to a teddy bear picnic and wonder if I have to bring my own teddy bear, or is it enough to sit with Belly’s bear?

What is the very definition of cougar behavior? It’s me, having impure thoughts about Rob Pattinson.

Enough with the questions, that gets tiresome. My Sister’s Keeper is coming out soon, based on the novel by Jodi Picoult. She’s one of my favorite authors, and I’m excited about the movie. Speaking of movies, I saw the preview for this when I went to see Angels & Demons this weekend. The woman sitting next to me kept talking back to the movie and saying things like, “Damn! No, no… don’t go in there!” I wanted to elbow her IN THE FACE! The ironic thing was that her phone rang at some point, and she picked it up and whispered that she was at the movies and couldn’t talk, then shut it off… then went back to yelling at the screen. *sigh*
That’s seriously one of my biggest pet peeves, people talking during movies.

What are your pet peeves?