Friday, October 19, 2007

Witness Protection and Relocation

Today I’m writing from a top secret location… even I don’t know exactly where I am!

My little darlings are off school today and requiring adult supervision, of course. I’d scheduled this as a work from home day so I could be with them while still fulfilling my responsibilities for work. Sounds fabulous doesn’t it? And it WAS until my husband informed me that our internet connection was down and he’d already called the phone company who said it wouldn’t be back up until tonight.

Panic. Worry. I have to log in and work – but where can I do that all day with the kids?? The library? Not all day. My grandparents house? No, too many dogs. Time to see who your real friends are. Called someone (a very nice person) and he very kindly agreed to letting me and the kids take over his house for the day so I could get some work done. Disaster averted! Grabbed sleepy kids, a backpack full of snacks, toys and lunch, and we ran out of the house. Met kind person to get house keys and directions. Oh yes, did I mention I'd never even BEEN to this person's house before!? He said the door is kind of tricky to open. Okay, fine. So I'm standing in a doorway with the kids, it's raining, they're whining, and I CAN'T get the door open. The lock won't budge. I push, pull, kick, plead..... nothing. I text him because I'm sure the neighbors are calling the police thinking we're breaking in. Of course, we look like refugees - sweats, backpacks, wild hair - except I don't think refugees travel with McDonald's coffee. Whatever. He sends me a text and explains why I can't get in. I'm at the wrong door!

Once I go to the right door, we're in like sly cat burglars. We get into the house and he even has the computer all set up for me. The kids are watching TV and being quiet and all seems well with the world.

Until I find out that my husband's work sent his direct deposit to the wrong bank!! So I gather my refugee children and run to one bank, take out what seems like a ton of cash and I'm so sure today will be the day I'll get mugged. We jump back in the truck and hightail it to the other bank, make a big deposit, run back to our safe house for the day. At this point, the kids are having so much fun I think they're good candidates for the witness protection program.

Another typical day :)

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Kitchen

So Belly had his birthday party. It was a Spiderman themed fete, with a Blue's Clues cake. Ah, nothing like a child's indecision. Every one of his presents was Spiderman or Power Rangers... except the kitchen set. What did my dear husband say when Belly opened it? "Who the hell bought that?! I hope you didn't pay more than $10 for it!" Belly loved it - as did most of the other kids. THEN Belly opened up a gift from one of his friends and it was a cooking set and a set of chef accessories :) Once the party wrapped up - and of course I forgot to hand out the kids treat bags, so they're all sitting on my kitchen table - Belly said, much to his dad's dismay, "Open the cooker set so I can have lots of fun!" Ah, that's my boy. I'm telling you, he invented the whole deconstructed movement that's so popular right now. Uh-huh, he deconstructed a PB&J sandwich and left it for the dog, he deconstructed a pizza and dropped the pieces in his brother's bed...

Silly me always thought that when kids get into school that life would slow down. No! This week's agenda was - in no particular order -
Birthday party
Student council meeting (for my Golden Boy of course)
Basketball practice for the junior varsity team (Golden Boy, again)
Movie Night
Snack Day

These kids have more bookings than the Queen of England. When I was a kid, our schedules went like this: Get home from school, play. (Notice, I didn't do much homework myself) Now my Golden Boy - I think I'll call him that from now on - wants a cell phone. Why? Because he wants to be able to walk to Starbucks after school by himself. STARBUCKS!?

OH and as we were having a party the mailman dropped our mail in the box and left it open in the rain so my box new checks are just a pile of mush. No, it's not as if I needed them to pay bill or anything! Go on and just leave them in the mud next time, Mr Postal Service!

When I get home tonight I'll spend considerable time assembling the kitchen set, cleaning up from the party, then picking up Golden Boy from basketball practice. Then I'm going to pop in a movie over dinner and we're going to have quiet time.

Yeah, sure.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Picture Day

Last week was tres busy for me, and this week is offering no breaks. Anyway...

My in laws are in from out of town, and while it's lovely to see them, I wish they'd give more notice than, "We're here!!"

Sunday my older son, who looooves Catholicism (go figure) did a reading in church with a few other kids from his class. We heathens sat in the audience and oohed and ahhed over how clearly he spoke and what a great job he did... all while making a long list of why we believe the Catholic church is simply a cult. Then they had a little reception so my kids got to run around for a bit while we tried avoiding their teachers. Just kidding - although teachers may have hidden from me once or twice. One of the other mothers came up to me and asked about my tattoos, then asked if I'm into the occult. Really now, what does one have to do with the other?? Well, at least she didn't ask when I got out of prison.

Yesterday I attended the board meeting for SAB. Walked out with 127 more things on my to do list. We're working on a new ad campaign, and one of the samples showed a woman handing a baby to a fireman. How do we know he's a fireman? He's wearing a hat and he's dirty. Someone else suggested a clean fireman, prompting me to respond, "No, I like dirty firemen!" and now I'll never be allowed to forget it. I got home at 9:30 and my little darlings were still bouncing off the walls because Daddy was in charge.

Which leads me to this morning, which is Picture Day at school. My boys were absolutely comatose after having been up so late last night (They didn't actually SLEEP until 11pm) so when it was time to get up and throw on some dress clothes, it didn't go smoothly. Normally, Belly loves his "party clothes" so much that he wears them all the time. So much in fact, that we have to remind him he can't wear them to school. Now we mess the poor kid up by telling him that today he HAS to wear them. So, my dear husband gets him dressed up in his pinstripe pants, matching vest, blue checked tie and white button down shirt. Even put on his little dress shoes. I saw him for a split second and he looked great. Then we both walked away. When I returned, I swear no more than 60 seconds later, he was standing there in his underwear with his dress clothes in a pile next to him. ARRRGH! After much fighting -he's a formidable foe- the clothes went back on. I have a feeling that by the time they actually TAKE the pictures, he'll only be wearing his crew neck t shirt and clip on tie.