Friday, August 13, 2010

In Communist Germany ...

Today is chemo session number 5 for my mom. Last time, she said that the IV removal was very painful, and her wrist did swell immediately following. My aunt said if they got the solution under her skin, it would cause a chemical burn, and would erupt or blister in a big way. Scary stuff, right? But a few days went by, and nothing happened. She said she was having shooting pain from her wrist up her arm, so eventually she went to see the nurse, who suggested she have an xray, because the pain she’s describing isn’t from the chemo, but she may have fractured her wrist. She was persistent, though, that what she was feeling was due to their negligence when removing her IV. She says at that point, the nurse said they wouldn’t continue her treatment unless she got a port a cath inserted.
She’s been screaming malpractice since.
This morning her anxiety over having the cath inserted reached absolute fever pitch. She was talking about hiring a lawyer and suing them for pain and suffering, because WHO are THEY to FORCE her to do something she doesn’t want to do? FUCK THEM! This is bullshit! And you know what? This is just like communist Germany!

This time, I couldn’t help but laugh. Really? Communist Germany?? So she verbally assaulted the people at registration, and at outpatient surgery. I walked behind her apologizing and thanking everyone for their patience. In fact, I should just issue a blanket apology to anyone that came into contact with her today 

Yes, I use humor to diffuse frustration, to sooth hurt feelings (mostly my own!) and to cope with unpleasant things. I have to say, I’m so very thankful to have a support network. A dear friend came and stayed with my mom for her chemo today, because I had to come in to work. No, not because my company is unfeeling or doesn’t care. In fact, my company has been great. No, it’s because I have work to do, and ok, I’ll admit, I didn’t want to be around for her emotional breakdown during chemo. I love my mother, I do. When she’s not beset by chemo induced craziness, she’s lovely. Right now, things are tough for her. And some days, all I can do is laugh. Don’t judge me!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Cheetos Truck

This truck came in the mail today, addressed to my boys. With a note from my aunt explaining that she'd brought it for her brother, my father, and wanted them to have something of his.

I actually started to cry when they opened it. Just last night I was talking about him, telling my husband how much I miss him. And when this came today, I felt like I got a little piece of him back. When I was a kid, we used the truck to send Cheetos back and forth through the house, much to my mother's dismay. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it still had orange crumbs in the trailer. I hadn't thought about it in years.

Marcia said, "Ask and you shall receive." Yesterday I was hurting, and I didn't even *know* what to ask for. But today, I received.