Friday, November 16, 2007

Yes, Virginia, There is a ...

...thing called PMS that will eventually make you hate even people you normally adore, and will make your closest friends avoid you lest they tell you what an irrational, mean, hurtful, insane person you are.
"Who, me?" you'll ask, while mentally lining up a crossbow with the offender's solar plexus.
Yes, yours truly is in a foul mood today. And yesterday as well. And tomorrow's not looking promising, either.
My husband keeps asking what's wrong. When I say, "Nothing" I really mean, "Everything"
The tiny part of my brain that isn't being held hostage by hormones right now is telling me that I'm giving significance to minor infractions and blowing them up to monumental proportions. Yeah, so? For some strange reason I decided I wanted to take the kids bowling tonight. (See: Irrational) When I found out that every bowling alley within 27 miles is booked with league play, I got very upset. Then I decided we'd go ice skating. The problem is that nothing is open on Friday nights until later in the month. This, too, caused me great anguish. That tiny part of my brain I told you about has been trying to tell me all day that I don't like either bowling or ice skating. I told it to shut up.

On the bright side, I got a phone call today from an old friend that I haven't talked to in literally years. I'm not always open to those kinds of calls, figuring if I don't talk to someone anymore, there's probably a good reason. Anyway, she called and it was so good to talk to her again. We caught up on our kids and jobs and talked about a lot of people we used to work with. We made plans to get together before the holidays hit. As we were chatting I realized that I've gotten back in touch with a lot of people this year. All of them very cool, ranging from grammar school friends, high school friends to former co-workers. Where were these people? Why exactly did we stop talking? Did we just get too busy?

Was it my PMS?! Just kidding :) Or am I?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

A Whole New World

Last night I went to dinner with my mom and the kids. It was late, I was ravenously hungry which means I was dizzy from low blood sugar and not in the mood to play referee between my little darlings. We went to Olive Garden - I loooove Olive Garden and I don't care how cheap/boring/mediocre anyone thinks it is. When we were seated I practically fell into my chair... bad idea! They have wheels. So, after apologizing to the woman behind me, I'm growling at the server to skip the pleasantries and bring me food. I'm sure this isn't going to be a pleasant dinner since Belly had already insulted the kid behind us who was crying by asking if he was a baby. He wasn't, and that made him cry harder. Then I ram the kid's mom with my chair. Can we change this to a take out order???

Then a strange thing happened. My kids started telling jokes and quizzing each other on their favorite cartoons. Golden Boy does a good Alex Trebek impersonation. For once, they didn't antagonize one another or fight over anything. They both ATE their meals. That may not sound like anything noteworthy to people without kids, but lemmetellya, my kids rarely eat anything they order. Not only did they eat their meals, they SHARED them. Yes, I wanted to stand up and sing like a Disney princess.... "It's a whole new world! A brand new place I never knew!"
They continued with the jokes and trivia through dessert. The women at the next table (no, not the one we assaulted) were pointing at us and saying, "Look, they're having so much fun!" We left there all smiles and hugs.

Who are these children, and what have they done with mine?

Me, after lots of cosmetic surgery ------>

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Last Resort

As far as music goes, most kids end up listening to what their parents play, right? I heard so much of the Beatles and Elvis growing up that I can do a one woman talent show based on their albums. Of course as I got a little older I developed my own unique tastes (Tupac and Nirvana go together in my opinion)

Last year we realized that radio is too risque for small children. So we started playing talk radio in the car. Sports and weather, yeah! That can't damage young minds! Except every commercial talks about erectile dysfunction. Then we started playing the Disney station but damn, that got irritating. So we plugged in the ipod and left it on shuffle. Did we stop to think about the collection of songs on there?

First came Golden Boy's absolute love for Linkin Park. We figured that was a good thing. Well, minus the exaggerated rap stance, think Run-DMC in 1989. If he keeps it up I'm going to buy him some old school Adidas with fat laces.

This morning Belly jumped up on the couch, threw his little hands up in the air and yelled, "Cut my life into pieces! This is my last resort!"

So, I guess it's time to go back to the Disney channel.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Things You Never Knew

Speaking of positive reinforcements and stripper poles.... A Christmas gift catalogue came in the mail on Friday after I got home. On page 3 they advertise This handy contraption.

How many head shots does it take, to get to the center of Belly's brain?

This weekend Belly took quite a few hits to the noggin. Friday he was jumping on the bottom bunk (a favorite past time) and jumped too hard, hitting the top bunk so hard one of the wooden supports was displaced. Ouch.
Saturday he jumped off the couch wearing a Batman cape and landed on a knit cap. Knit cap + wood floors = head injury. I think he was feeling a bit concussed, so I didn't let him sleep after that.
This morning I was carrying him upstairs so he could brush his teeth, when he leaned out and struck his forehead on the wall. At this point I'm sure the school is calling DCFS the minute he walks in with enough lumps on his head to start a phrenology convention.