Dear Edward

Dearest Edward,
It's not you, it's me.
Not that I don't adore you, I do. In all your sparkly splendor. Your neurotic and posessive brand of love. The fact that you can dazzle. I mean, who wouldn't love you? Your eyes smolder, you read minds and you're polite. You play the piano. You survived the Spanish Influenza (well, sort of)
It's just that, don't laugh, but Lestat was my first love. And I'm simply not over him. So while I'm getting ready to see you next month, I still find myself thinking of him. Wondering what he's doing. Or undoing. He's like my crazy French alter ego. He's a part of me. Literally. Haven't you noticed his likeness etched in my very flesh?
And while I won't walk off and leave you devastated and alone in a forest, AHEM, sometimes, it's just, my heart's really not in it. I know, I obsessed a bit about you in the beginning. No, no, it's true. I did. And I still love you, I really do. But I always find myself back at Lestat.
Forgive me. I'm only human.


It was a song I heard today that brought this about. First, I was jamming to Death Cab's new song from the New Moon soundtrack - Meet Me at the Equinox. Reminded me how excited I am that Rob Pattinson would be coming -shirtless!- to a theater near me. Gives me chills. Anyway, then I plugged in my Ipod and lo and behold, it spits out another Death Cab song. Honestly, the first person it made me think of was my husband. Because I'm absolutely and totally head over heels, make people gag, in love with him.
Then it made me think of Lestat. Now, because I never bonded with either actor that played Lestat, I'm still in love with my own vision of him. Edward, however, has gradually turned into Rob Pattinson for me. And I realize that I love Rob Pattinson more than Edward. Let's face it, Edward doesn't say things like, "I'm just a tool. A big, hard tool." So I almost felt like I needed to apologize to one fictional vampire because I'm still in love with another fictional vampire.
Go on and laugh. I don't care. Edward would forgive me.
So, the song goes like this -

If heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
and illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs
If there's no one there when your soul departs
Then I will follow you into the dark.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

...I'm a Toys R Us kid, there's a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with....

Isaiah was talking about Toys R Us a few days ago, so I sang the old song. We can now add that to the list of songs that make him cry. At least he has a reason for this one. When I was finished, he said he doesn't want to grow up, ever. And he's sad that I'm grown up, because then I'm not a Toys R Us kid anymore. After tons of hugs and kisses, I assured him that he's got many years of being a kid ahead of him, so he doesn't even need to think about being a grown up.
I've got one that never wants to grow up, and one that can't WAIT to be an adult.
Yesterday before I left for school, Daimean asked me if I've made any new friends yet. I said no. He said, That's ok mom. You will. I remember my first few weeks at a new school were tough, too. That's pretty typical of Daimean. He's a darling kid.
A darling kid who just got detention again. This time for not handing in his weekly family folder (which I sign each week to verify I received everything) and for talking and not following directions in class. Which is also typical of Daimean. See, here's the thing - his teachers all adore him BECAUSE he's a sweet kid. The school counselor (who meets with him to work on organization and responsibility) started out by telling me what a charming boy he is. *sigh* I KNOW he's charming. But right now can we please focus on his lack of motivation???
Ultimately, he is doing better, and he IS making an effort. I know he's going to get back on track. It's just frustrating for all involved trying to get him there.