Friday, October 12, 2012

Inappropriate Children's Songs

"I don't know how to love him, what to do, how to move him..... And I've had so many men before, in very many ways, he's just one more."
Questionable choice for 7th grade chorus, ya think?

Back in the olden days (1991) no one questioned the junior high kids singing this song. Our school was a small, poor school. We had no music program until 1991, until then, I believed that playing the piano was a necessary skill for teachers. When music came to our school, we all excitedly signed up for every program that was offered. Not only did we sing - proudly! - from Jesus Christ Superstar, but we discussed the meaning of this deep lyric by Bel Biv DeVoe:

Never trust a big but and a smile.

That's all you really need to take away from this post today. Never trust a big butt and a smile, indeed.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Case of the Missing Eyebrow

Before I share this little gem, I’d just like to plainly state that next to my own children, those of my family and friends are the most charming and adorable children in the world. Just like Lake Wobegon. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for these above average children.


So when I received a text late last night from one of my dearest friends, telling me that her eleven year old son shaved off half of his eyebrows, of course I offered to help. Which is why my bewildered husband found me in the kitchen this morning, drawing eyebrows on an embarrassed young man. Ok, not “drawing” per se, as that makes it sound like I was making him into one of those women who look like they have commas stenciled on their foreheads. No, I was using my favorite Maybelline brow powder to make it look like he still had eyebrows. When I asked him what on earth possessed him to do that, he said, “I don’t know, I thought they were too long.”


I can’t fault the kid. I remember being about his age when I decided I didn’t like the hair on my upper lip. Now, my mother wouldn’t allow me to shave my legs, so there’s no way she was going to take me for a waxing. Before you ask, yes, it was really necessary, as my ethnic heritage includes both Puerto Rican and Italian, and they’re not known for their fair, delicate women. Oh no, they’re a hairy bunch. So, adolescent me looked in the mirror and thought, “I’ll just shave that right off.” Managed to cut myself right at the top of my lip, and it bled like hell. I was running around like a chicken with no head (and seemingly bleeding as much as one) and trying to figure out what to do. Eventually I called my mother at work, and gave some half assed excuse for how it happened, and told her it wouldn’t stop bleeding.
Later in life, I made friends with the nice lady at the salon who handles the waxing.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Updates from the Trenches

Hello? Is this thing on?

Serves me right, I suppose, for ignoring this blog for so long. But I'm doing really important stuff, I swear! Stuff like
1. Planning a birthday party for small child
2. Meeting with teachers because big child still won't do his school work
3. Preparing for an out of town wedding in which I'm standing up
4. Finishing my history degree
5. Showing up at the office every day (actual contributions may vary)
6. Walking my mother through her first home purchase
7. Laundry for 2 children, including school uniforms and spirit week get ups
8. The dog's colitis is acting up again, my life is full of poop and puke and I don't even have babies
9. NOT having a nervous breakdown
(I really screwed those numbers up, but my persistent OCD made me go back and fix them)

I mean, really, when you look at it in nice list form, it's almost amazing that I still walk and talk with some level of normalcy. Add to that some extra strength family stress and you've got a recipe for momma disaster. For the second time in my life, I've considered seeking counseling. But then I ask myself what the heck a counselor can tell me that I haven't already told me, and it kind of seems like a waste of time. I much prefer walking around in a funk and repeating, with the zeal of a convert, "Everything is fine, nothing but good times ahead."

What is it about weddings that brings out the worst in people? A series of unfortunate events led to a break between myself and one of my oldest friends during my wedding planning. It was over FIVE YEARS before we spoke again. We missed out on five years of companionship and kids and crazy because of what? We got mad and stopped talking and just didn't start again. I'm so sad that we lost that time, and so thankful that she stepped up and said THIS IS STUPID let's be friends again. Because really, I missed her and her kids. (I really do love all of my friend's kids)

Now one of my dearest friends is facing something like that, a little thing that turned into a big thing which all revolves around her wedding. It hurts me to see what's happening, and know just what's at stake, and not be able to help stop someone else from losing their friend.