Thursday, June 11, 2009

Pants Off Dance Off!!

Parental mortification.

It comes when your child does something that you’re so embarrassed about, you debate moving to another state. Okay, he didn’t kill anyone, but ….

Yesterday Isaiah pulled down a little girl’s pants at day camp. I was horrified. All I could think of was this little girl being scared, embarrassed, crying. My husband and I talked to him both together and separately. He wrote a note to the girl that says, “Isaiah M. is sorry. To Emma” It’s a little backwards, but gets the point across. Oh, and did I mention that Emma is not a tom boy – she’s a shy, adorable, tiny little girl. You’d think he could at least pick on someone his own size!?

This morning I march him into day camp and go to the head instructor, and Isaiah apologizes to her. Then I ask for Emma and her parents, and her mom is CONVENIENTLY sitting there in the hallway. I’m ready to defend my little guy and explain that he’s not a malicious perv in training. Her mom was accepting of Isaiah’s apology, Isaiah gave Emma his note, and Emma’s mom had her give Isaiah a hug. We chatted for a bit, and I tried to explain that we obviously don’t condone such behavior. Then she tells me that their biggest problem with it was that Emma thought it was funny. She said that she has a 2 year old boy and for all she knows, it’ll be him doing it next week.

Sometimes I forget how understanding most parents are. Raising kids is kind of a universal experience, we’ve all seen and tackled the same issues. No one wants to be too rigid, only to be the one apologizing next time.

I’m just glad he didn’t end up on the pre-k offender registry.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Indiana Jones style!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Oh, My Balls!

While giving Belly a bath last night, he started repeating lines he's heard from movies, TV and Youtube. One of them had the word "testicles" in it. So I asked him if he knew what testicles are, and he said no.
Now, Belly's quite big enough to wash himself these days, my Mom duty is only to wash his hair and face so he doesn't blind himself. So I explained that his testicles are below his penis. Of course he got out of the water and yanked it up and said, "You mean these?"
"Yes, dear, I mean those."
He then asks for a run down of penis neighborhood parts and functions. Ever try to explain a urethra to a five year old? Do try, because it's great just to hear them repeat the word.
The he says that there's one more thing down there, but he doesn't know what it is. I ask what, and he says,
with such innocence and openness.
He was delighted to find out that balls are testicles, and to finally get what all the jokes mean when someone gets hit "in the balls."
(You may be asking WHY on earth my five year old would hear those jokes. Two words - Mike Meyers)
So at this point he's out of the bath and getting dried off and I'm trying in vain to get him to stop saying BALLS. So I told him it's not something to joke about, they're private parts. He retorts that private parts aren't BAD. Touche. So I said that it's not a word for kids to say.
Then the light bulb goes off over his mischievous little cherub head and he says, "I won't say it at school, and I won't say it in front of Daddy. I'll just tell you!"
Then he had one last request. "Can I say one more thing?", he asks.
"Sure," I say.
He crouches in classic ball-shot position and yells, "Oh, my balls!"

Oh, the many joys of raising male children!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Where's the Rum?!

Spent Friday having fancy scans done on my eyes, because I'm having some sight issues. Yah, sight, that thing you need to drive, work, etc. They didn't find anything that points to VKH (the rare condition I'd been diagnosed with in 2006) Now there are just no answers about why my eyes are acting all wonky. All I know is my vision is changing, and not in a good way.
I've decided, if I go blind, I'll have to give up my plan to become a teacher. Instead, I'll be a pirate. And I'll wear 2 eye patches. And because I can't see, I'll sail in circles.
My name will be Shipwreck. And I'll hang out with Johnny Depp, of course. Ah, I love a pirate who appreciates a good red wine.