Cake Vodka, How Do I Love Thee?

So my new favorite beverage is cake flavored vodka. Sure, I still love a classic, big girl martini. But give me a glass of cake vodka and I'm pretty happy with my non-sophisticated self.
Found a recipe that mixes cake vodka with chocolate vodka and cherry soda and I can't *wait* to try it.

Have I developed a drinking problem?

I hear it's only a problem if you run out.... and I'm not out!

Old and Sentimental

Beats old and senile, huh?

Yesterday my darling husband arranged a birthday party for me. Standard sarcasm aside, it was very sweet of him, and it was wonderful to celebrate with everyone that came.

Unfortunatley, I'm a bit tired and um, dehydrated here at work today. Maybe if I have a beer, it'll help ....

Another One Bites the Dust

So now my plan to make him fall in love with me and run away to France will never happen.

Aside from my own personal sadness at that, I'm happy for you, Mr. Bomer.

The Tooth Fairy

My little one is 8 years old, and very sensitive. He believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. That last one is hanging on by a thread though, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to cause the other two to become extinct soon.

The last tooth he lost, he overheard me tell my husband that I have given my last $5 to him. He’s not stupid, he put 2 and 2 together and realized the only $5 he had ALLEGEDLY came from the tooth fairy. So he asked me about it. I stood behind my lie until he looked me in the eye and said, “Tell me the truth.” So I did. I told him that I put the money there.

Fast forward to this weekend, when he looses another tooth. Puts this one under the pillow, wakes up in the morning and there’s no cash there. Now he’s really mad, and comes to me saying that he thinks the tooth fairy is a lie. I stalled, didn’t give an answer either way. Told him he could put his tooth back under his pillow with a note and see what happens. Talk to hubs, we agree to continue the Big Lie. This morning I hand hubs $5 to put under the pillow. Figure I’ll tackle the talk about non-existent gift giving fairies another time.

THEN I get a text from my small child calling me a liar, and saying the tooth fairy is fake and that he believed it. I apologized and explained that when I was a kid, I loved the tooth fairy, so wanted to do the same thing for him. I don’t think he’s speaking to me now.

Anywho, I had hubs check that note that was left with the tooth. It was asking for demanding $10 (twice the normal rate!) for being late. That little extortionist!

After I apologized to the little guy, I told him to go talk to dad. It went something like this –

Little Guy: Dad, is the tooth fairy real?

Hubs: Whatever you believe in your heart, that’s what’s real.

WHAT?! Well I believe in the winning lottery ticket fairy, and that bitch hasn’t made any stops at my house. I digress. There’s something horrible about the change you see in a child’s eyes when he stops believing. That magic is gone, and replaced with a shitty reality in which your parents lie to you, and some of the best things you know are fake. They never look at Christmas morning the same again, after finding out that Santa isn’t real. Sure, they’re excited, but it’s not amazing and magical.

So now we’ve got to have a little talk, my darling sensitive child and I. And I’m going to tell him the truth. And it’s going to be harder on me than on him. *sigh*

A Touch of Smurfitis

My little one is obsessed with food coloring. He thinks it makes everything more palatable, so he uses it a lot. As you can imagine, he's made quite a mess. Yesterday I wanted to avoid the mess so I offered to do it for him. Mistake. He'd left the blue food coloring partially open the last time he used it, so when I pulled it out, one single drop escaped down the side, right onto my thumb. Which is, of course, very blue now.

I am going to refuse to explain this to anyone at work today. Gotta keep some kind of mystery.

Today is ...

not my day, that's what.

After running late to take the kids to school, the little one forgets his lunch. The older one was ratted out by his teacher for having his head down all through math class. I find there is a spot right in front of my left boob on this once pristine shirt - but I find it after I've already left the house. Then I find there's a hole in the sleeve under my right arm, so I'm wearing a sweater all day. well, I guess I was wearing one to cover the spot anyway.

It's the first day of school for my spring semester, maybe that's why I feel like there are dodos chasing me around and chanting, "doom on you... doom on you...."

Google as a Character Witness

Or - Things That Might Could Get You Arrested

My recent Google search history includes the following:

child broken ribs
define mendacious
midnight crazies
drain flush
rush copley
Dunlay's on the Square
where to buy mourning veil

Sure, I could explain these things individually. But they're much funnier when put together and submitted without comment.

P.S. No ribs were broken. I think.