Cloning 101

This is getting ridiculous. My brain obviously doesn’t work any longer. My internal calendar is broken.

First, I forget my BFFs birthday. Then today, I blank on an awards ceremony at an alternative HS. What the hell is wrong with me? And now that I think about it, I left a load of laundry in the washer this morning and forgot to throw it in the dryer before I left for work. *sigh* A mother’s work is never done.

You know who’s going to perfect cloning? A mom. Because we need to be in 6 places at one time, attend meetings, work, remember basketball practice, do laundry, cook meals consistently, pack lunches for field trips….. And it’s hardly possible for one person to do it all. And how am I supposed to manage going to school if I can’t get things straight NOW?!

I *did* actually make it to the awards ceremony, and brought the certificate of recognition with me. Thanks to a flexible work schedule, I can also pick up Belly at 3pm because he cried when I told him he needed to go to after care today. And when I get there, I’ll finish the laundry, check homework, prepare for BOTH of the financial aid meetings I have tomorrow, and possibly, maybe even cook dinner.

Stop the world. I want to get off!

I am a Terrible Human Being

You know when everything seems to be happening all at once,and it's all you can do to remember what day is it? Well guess what? I do NOT know what day it is. In fact, I'm four freakin days off.
Today I bought a birthday card for my best friend. It's a card that says "Sisters are a gift from God" and it shows an angel. On the inside, the angel has turned evil and it says, "An angry, vengeful God!"
I thought it was hilarious. And I actually said to myself, hurry up and mail this because you've only got two days until her birthday. Because her birthday is May 16th. Duh, because it falls on the same day every year, and has for the last 20 some years that I've known her.
So what's the problem?
I thought today was May 14th. And it is not.
Just checked my bank account online and was startled by the relatively large balance, because in my mind, it's not payday yet.
Which means not only did I *NOT* call my best friend on her birthday, I also am late in paying bills.
What the hell is wrong with me?! I've officially lost it. So where did those 4 days go? Have I been in a fog? A disassociative fugue??
I feel awful :(
And if you're reading this, Angie, I'm sorry that I'm an awful friend, and a terrible human being.

Love Me Cancerously...

That Ludo song, “Love Me Dead” has been *stuck* in my head for a week now. You’ve got the sign of the beast, you’re born of a jackal! (If that makes no sense, then you HAVE to hear the song)

What is love? It’s when you want to hang out with your spouse more than anyone else. When does love make you cry? Only when you’re laughing so hard that you can’t stand up. Like I was yesterday. In fact, just thinking about it made me snort just now.

What is a parent? It’s the two otherwise sane and adult people who are excited to attend the upcoming Teddy Bear picnic with their 5 year old. I’ve never been to a teddy bear picnic and wonder if I have to bring my own teddy bear, or is it enough to sit with Belly’s bear?

What is the very definition of cougar behavior? It’s me, having impure thoughts about Rob Pattinson.

Enough with the questions, that gets tiresome. My Sister’s Keeper is coming out soon, based on the novel by Jodi Picoult. She’s one of my favorite authors, and I’m excited about the movie. Speaking of movies, I saw the preview for this when I went to see Angels & Demons this weekend. The woman sitting next to me kept talking back to the movie and saying things like, “Damn! No, no… don’t go in there!” I wanted to elbow her IN THE FACE! The ironic thing was that her phone rang at some point, and she picked it up and whispered that she was at the movies and couldn’t talk, then shut it off… then went back to yelling at the screen. *sigh*
That’s seriously one of my biggest pet peeves, people talking during movies.

What are your pet peeves?

What Kind of a Mother Would...?

We're all guilty of using that phrase, either out loud or in our heads. I don't like that phrase. I hate it when something like that pops into my head for something less than blatant child abuse.
What kind of a mother would say that to her child?
What kind of a mother lets their kid watch TV all day?
What kind of a mother doesn't read to her child?
What kind of a mother lets her kids speak like that?
What kind of a mother site on blogger reading about other people's kids instead of playing with her own?!

Umm.... yeah. I think I have to go now!

Cementing My Status

...as World's Coolest Mom. At least in the eyes of my own son, and that's all I care about.

D had a field trip this week. So I packed him a lunch, made sure he wore a school logo shirt, had his cell phone charged, etc. But on the way to school I realized he didn't have any cash. Not even a few dollars for water or ice cream. When I was a kid I *hated* that. So I pulled into a gas station to use the ATM on the way to school. No luck, Hubs had the card. So I dropped him off with a promise to return with money.
When I returned, the principal told me they'd left already, but if I hurried, I could catch the bus in front of the other building.
So I drove. Fast. and I pulled in front of the busses so they couldn't leave. I walked right onto the bus... oops, wrong bus.
So I walked right onto the NEXT bus and gave D his money, and received cheers from him and his classmates.
He says I rock.
And if he thinks so, it must be true.

Reflections on Momma's Day

Mom's aren't perfect. Me, I spend most of my time just trying not to do anything that will mess my kids up. As an adult I'm trying to have some kind of functional relationship with my own mother. It's not easy. I hope that right now I'm laying the groundwork for a good relationship with my adult children.
But enough about my neuroses.

Today I got a tiny potted flower, a movie, wildflower seeds, a faaaabulous pair of shoes and a necklace. Because mother's day is all about presents, right?

Lemme tell you about my card. Are you familiar with lolcats?? My darling Hubs and my very funny boys made me a Lol card, with a pic of my two comedians on the back. How cool is that??

Oh and the best of all..... and the one that will land my kid in therapy.... is a scene from Star Wars that Belly drew for me. It's got me as Leia, him as Darth Vadar, and a very angry Anakin after his hand gets cut off. Am I the only mom who got a drawing of an amputated, bloody arm stump? I bet I am! I'm so lucky!!

Breaking the Toilet? Seriously?

For three nights in a row there have been disturbances on my street. This makes me very angry. And last week, someone broke into the house next door. It's vacant and up for sale, oh joy. Last night some moron was laying on their horn at 3am until a woman went outside and, sounding like an angry mom, put and end to it. Tonight some drunk vagrants were smashing a toilet in the alley. Seriously? A toilet? Luckily I have large, male neighbors who just happened to be out in their garage at the time. They put a stop to it, but not before crazy drunken toilet vandal made off with his newly acquired toilet seat. Ew.

And Hubs wonders why having a big hulking dog is such a good idea?

Today the kiddos and I got to enjoy the lovely weather at the park. Rollerblades, a football, a skateboard and a conveniently placed ice cream man. Really, does it get any better than that?