You know when everything seems to be happening all at once,and it's all you can do to remember what day is it? Well guess what? I do NOT know what day it is. In fact, I'm four freakin days off.
Today I bought a birthday card for my best friend. It's a card that says "Sisters are a gift from God" and it shows an angel. On the inside, the angel has turned evil and it says, "An angry, vengeful God!"
I thought it was hilarious. And I actually said to myself, hurry up and mail this because you've only got two days until her birthday. Because her birthday is May 16th. Duh, because it falls on the same day every year, and has for the last 20 some years that I've known her.
So what's the problem?
I thought today was May 14th. And it is not.
Just checked my bank account online and was startled by the relatively large balance, because in my mind, it's not payday yet.
Which means not only did I *NOT* call my best friend on her birthday, I also am late in paying bills.
What the hell is wrong with me?! I've officially lost it. So where did those 4 days go? Have I been in a fog? A disassociative fugue??
I feel awful :(
And if you're reading this, Angie, I'm sorry that I'm an awful friend, and a terrible human being.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Love Me Cancerously...
That Ludo song, “Love Me Dead” has been *stuck* in my head for a week now. You’ve got the sign of the beast, you’re born of a jackal! (If that makes no sense, then you HAVE to hear the song)
What is love? It’s when you want to hang out with your spouse more than anyone else. When does love make you cry? Only when you’re laughing so hard that you can’t stand up. Like I was yesterday. In fact, just thinking about it made me snort just now.
What is a parent? It’s the two otherwise sane and adult people who are excited to attend the upcoming Teddy Bear picnic with their 5 year old. I’ve never been to a teddy bear picnic and wonder if I have to bring my own teddy bear, or is it enough to sit with Belly’s bear?
What is the very definition of cougar behavior? It’s me, having impure thoughts about Rob Pattinson.
Enough with the questions, that gets tiresome. My Sister’s Keeper is coming out soon, based on the novel by Jodi Picoult. She’s one of my favorite authors, and I’m excited about the movie. Speaking of movies, I saw the preview for this when I went to see Angels & Demons this weekend. The woman sitting next to me kept talking back to the movie and saying things like, “Damn! No, no… don’t go in there!” I wanted to elbow her IN THE FACE! The ironic thing was that her phone rang at some point, and she picked it up and whispered that she was at the movies and couldn’t talk, then shut it off… then went back to yelling at the screen. *sigh*
That’s seriously one of my biggest pet peeves, people talking during movies.
What are your pet peeves?
What is love? It’s when you want to hang out with your spouse more than anyone else. When does love make you cry? Only when you’re laughing so hard that you can’t stand up. Like I was yesterday. In fact, just thinking about it made me snort just now.
What is a parent? It’s the two otherwise sane and adult people who are excited to attend the upcoming Teddy Bear picnic with their 5 year old. I’ve never been to a teddy bear picnic and wonder if I have to bring my own teddy bear, or is it enough to sit with Belly’s bear?
What is the very definition of cougar behavior? It’s me, having impure thoughts about Rob Pattinson.
Enough with the questions, that gets tiresome. My Sister’s Keeper is coming out soon, based on the novel by Jodi Picoult. She’s one of my favorite authors, and I’m excited about the movie. Speaking of movies, I saw the preview for this when I went to see Angels & Demons this weekend. The woman sitting next to me kept talking back to the movie and saying things like, “Damn! No, no… don’t go in there!” I wanted to elbow her IN THE FACE! The ironic thing was that her phone rang at some point, and she picked it up and whispered that she was at the movies and couldn’t talk, then shut it off… then went back to yelling at the screen. *sigh*
That’s seriously one of my biggest pet peeves, people talking during movies.
What are your pet peeves?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
What Kind of a Mother Would...?
We're all guilty of using that phrase, either out loud or in our heads. I don't like that phrase. I hate it when something like that pops into my head for something less than blatant child abuse.
What kind of a mother would say that to her child?
What kind of a mother lets their kid watch TV all day?
What kind of a mother doesn't read to her child?
What kind of a mother lets her kids speak like that?
What kind of a mother site on blogger reading about other people's kids instead of playing with her own?!
Umm.... yeah. I think I have to go now!
What kind of a mother would say that to her child?
What kind of a mother lets their kid watch TV all day?
What kind of a mother doesn't read to her child?
What kind of a mother lets her kids speak like that?
What kind of a mother site on blogger reading about other people's kids instead of playing with her own?!
Umm.... yeah. I think I have to go now!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Cementing My Status
...as World's Coolest Mom. At least in the eyes of my own son, and that's all I care about.
D had a field trip this week. So I packed him a lunch, made sure he wore a school logo shirt, had his cell phone charged, etc. But on the way to school I realized he didn't have any cash. Not even a few dollars for water or ice cream. When I was a kid I *hated* that. So I pulled into a gas station to use the ATM on the way to school. No luck, Hubs had the card. So I dropped him off with a promise to return with money.
When I returned, the principal told me they'd left already, but if I hurried, I could catch the bus in front of the other building.
So I drove. Fast. and I pulled in front of the busses so they couldn't leave. I walked right onto the bus... oops, wrong bus.
So I walked right onto the NEXT bus and gave D his money, and received cheers from him and his classmates.
He says I rock.
And if he thinks so, it must be true.
D had a field trip this week. So I packed him a lunch, made sure he wore a school logo shirt, had his cell phone charged, etc. But on the way to school I realized he didn't have any cash. Not even a few dollars for water or ice cream. When I was a kid I *hated* that. So I pulled into a gas station to use the ATM on the way to school. No luck, Hubs had the card. So I dropped him off with a promise to return with money.
When I returned, the principal told me they'd left already, but if I hurried, I could catch the bus in front of the other building.
So I drove. Fast. and I pulled in front of the busses so they couldn't leave. I walked right onto the bus... oops, wrong bus.
So I walked right onto the NEXT bus and gave D his money, and received cheers from him and his classmates.
He says I rock.
And if he thinks so, it must be true.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Reflections on Momma's Day
Mom's aren't perfect. Me, I spend most of my time just trying not to do anything that will mess my kids up. As an adult I'm trying to have some kind of functional relationship with my own mother. It's not easy. I hope that right now I'm laying the groundwork for a good relationship with my adult children.
But enough about my neuroses.
Today I got a tiny potted flower, a movie, wildflower seeds, a faaaabulous pair of shoes and a necklace. Because mother's day is all about presents, right?
Lemme tell you about my card. Are you familiar with lolcats?? My darling Hubs and my very funny boys made me a Lol card, with a pic of my two comedians on the back. How cool is that??
Oh and the best of all..... and the one that will land my kid in therapy.... is a scene from Star Wars that Belly drew for me. It's got me as Leia, him as Darth Vadar, and a very angry Anakin after his hand gets cut off. Am I the only mom who got a drawing of an amputated, bloody arm stump? I bet I am! I'm so lucky!!
But enough about my neuroses.
Today I got a tiny potted flower, a movie, wildflower seeds, a faaaabulous pair of shoes and a necklace. Because mother's day is all about presents, right?
Lemme tell you about my card. Are you familiar with lolcats?? My darling Hubs and my very funny boys made me a Lol card, with a pic of my two comedians on the back. How cool is that??
Oh and the best of all..... and the one that will land my kid in therapy.... is a scene from Star Wars that Belly drew for me. It's got me as Leia, him as Darth Vadar, and a very angry Anakin after his hand gets cut off. Am I the only mom who got a drawing of an amputated, bloody arm stump? I bet I am! I'm so lucky!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Breaking the Toilet? Seriously?
For three nights in a row there have been disturbances on my street. This makes me very angry. And last week, someone broke into the house next door. It's vacant and up for sale, oh joy. Last night some moron was laying on their horn at 3am until a woman went outside and, sounding like an angry mom, put and end to it. Tonight some drunk vagrants were smashing a toilet in the alley. Seriously? A toilet? Luckily I have large, male neighbors who just happened to be out in their garage at the time. They put a stop to it, but not before crazy drunken toilet vandal made off with his newly acquired toilet seat. Ew.
And Hubs wonders why having a big hulking dog is such a good idea?
Today the kiddos and I got to enjoy the lovely weather at the park. Rollerblades, a football, a skateboard and a conveniently placed ice cream man. Really, does it get any better than that?
And Hubs wonders why having a big hulking dog is such a good idea?
Today the kiddos and I got to enjoy the lovely weather at the park. Rollerblades, a football, a skateboard and a conveniently placed ice cream man. Really, does it get any better than that?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Happy Birthday, I Smashed the Car!
Yes, that's what I said to Hubs on Tuesday when I came home for lunch. Well, maybe "smash" is a bit strong. I scraped the car. On another car. In front of the kids' school. Yeah, could it be more embarrassing?? 15 years I've been driving and I've never done this before!
Allow me to state my case (because it's MY blog, damnit) There was a truck double parked, and a parking spot to the left of it. I *thought* I had enough space to get past the truck and pull into the spot. Not so, said the law of physics (or whichever one says something about two bodies not being able to occupy the same space)
So it was the parent of a kid in Belly's class... of course. Whose wife knows me. Of course. So the guy is super nice - and I was trying desperately to send ESP messages like, We're in front of a church, you can't get mad, come on, what would Jesus do?
Thankfully, the only thing that happened is his turn signal stopped working. Yeah well probably because I pulled the light housing away from the body of the car (details, details) but that it won't be hard to fix. Of course I said we'd pay for the housing or wiring or whatever it needs. How? Am going to sell a kidney, that's how. I only need one, right?
So, on Hubs birthday, HE spent an hour making ME feel better and telling me it's no big deal. My car has a tiny dent by the back door, but it seems pretty awful to me.
And let's not forget the embarrassment factor here. Yes, the new head of the annual fundraiser committee at the school (yes, moi) is spreading goodwill by smashing up cars in front. Ah, good times.
Allow me to state my case (because it's MY blog, damnit) There was a truck double parked, and a parking spot to the left of it. I *thought* I had enough space to get past the truck and pull into the spot. Not so, said the law of physics (or whichever one says something about two bodies not being able to occupy the same space)
So it was the parent of a kid in Belly's class... of course. Whose wife knows me. Of course. So the guy is super nice - and I was trying desperately to send ESP messages like, We're in front of a church, you can't get mad, come on, what would Jesus do?
Thankfully, the only thing that happened is his turn signal stopped working. Yeah well probably because I pulled the light housing away from the body of the car (details, details) but that it won't be hard to fix. Of course I said we'd pay for the housing or wiring or whatever it needs. How? Am going to sell a kidney, that's how. I only need one, right?
So, on Hubs birthday, HE spent an hour making ME feel better and telling me it's no big deal. My car has a tiny dent by the back door, but it seems pretty awful to me.
And let's not forget the embarrassment factor here. Yes, the new head of the annual fundraiser committee at the school (yes, moi) is spreading goodwill by smashing up cars in front. Ah, good times.
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