Friday, October 2, 2009
It's not you, it's me.
Not that I don't adore you, I do. In all your sparkly splendor. Your neurotic and posessive brand of love. The fact that you can dazzle. I mean, who wouldn't love you? Your eyes smolder, you read minds and you're polite. You play the piano. You survived the Spanish Influenza (well, sort of)
It's just that, don't laugh, but Lestat was my first love. And I'm simply not over him. So while I'm getting ready to see you next month, I still find myself thinking of him. Wondering what he's doing. Or undoing. He's like my crazy French alter ego. He's a part of me. Literally. Haven't you noticed his likeness etched in my very flesh?
And while I won't walk off and leave you devastated and alone in a forest, AHEM, sometimes, it's just, my heart's really not in it. I know, I obsessed a bit about you in the beginning. No, no, it's true. I did. And I still love you, I really do. But I always find myself back at Lestat.
Forgive me. I'm only human.
It was a song I heard today that brought this about. First, I was jamming to Death Cab's new song from the New Moon soundtrack - Meet Me at the Equinox. Reminded me how excited I am that Rob Pattinson would be coming -shirtless!- to a theater near me. Gives me chills. Anyway, then I plugged in my Ipod and lo and behold, it spits out another Death Cab song. Honestly, the first person it made me think of was my husband. Because I'm absolutely and totally head over heels, make people gag, in love with him.
Then it made me think of Lestat. Now, because I never bonded with either actor that played Lestat, I'm still in love with my own vision of him. Edward, however, has gradually turned into Rob Pattinson for me. And I realize that I love Rob Pattinson more than Edward. Let's face it, Edward doesn't say things like, "I'm just a tool. A big, hard tool." So I almost felt like I needed to apologize to one fictional vampire because I'm still in love with another fictional vampire.
Go on and laugh. I don't care. Edward would forgive me.
So, the song goes like this -
If heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
and illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs
If there's no one there when your soul departs
Then I will follow you into the dark.
This Momma moment brought to you by ummmhello