What I've Learned

This month I'll turn 35, which is cool because it means I've lived long enough to learn a few things, and still have enough time to apply the lessons I've learned.

I've often said that the very people who need self reflection the most are the ones who aren't doing it. This is true for me as well.

It's ok to ask for help. Wow - major shocker right here.

We're not perfect, and never will be. Doesn't mean that we can't continue to work on improving. Enter new family motto - Well, it's better than it was!

The old folks in your family, they're not going to live forever. Take the time to talk to them now.

Perception is everything. Respect other's perceptions of situations.

Volunteering is good for you, as well as whatever organization you're with. Just do it.

Stop rushing so much.

Make sure you care more about the people around you, and their lives, than the TV characters from the shows you watch. (Can I exclude The Walking Dead from this?)

When your kids want to talk non stop - let them. Before you know it, they won't be talking to you at all. Enjoy their stories, laugh with them. Ask them questions. And don't interrupt them when they answer.

So, in my 35 years, that's what I've learned. And you know, be nice to animals, too.

The Ugly Duckling

Generally I'm pretty secure about my looks. I mean, I don't think about them too much. Sure I'm a bit overweight, but I'm fighting genetics here. In a crowd, I don't especially stand out, I'm very, well, average.

But recently there have been some strange things said by family that are making me wonder whether my assessment of my own looks is way off base. Maybe I'm like the hunchback, and I've just conditioned myself to think I'm normal?

Here are some of the gems I've heard lately.

You weren't a beautiful child. You were a "cute" kids. But my, you're such a beautiful woman now.

...and then my friend said, "Wow, she's really pretty" and then I stopped to think about it and yeah, you are.

...and even with that forehead, you're very pretty ...

...and you're not *too* fat ...

And so, dear family, I just want you all to know that you people look just like me!

Saying Goodbye

In the early hours of Friday morning, my great aunt Hilda passed away, surrounded by her family. She always had a quick smile, big laugh and treats for kids. She was my father's second mom, taking care of him when he was young and his own mother wasn't around. He loved her so much, and so, I loved her. He always brought her yellow flowers on her birthday, which was two days before my own. She said we were so alike because we are the only Piscies in the family, but she was wrong. She was open where I am closed, and she was forgiving while I hold grudges like they're gold. It's a cold, grey day here in Chicago, the world a little darker with her absence. Today I'll bring yellow flowers to her for the last time, as we lay her to rest.

Friday morning when I finally went to sleep, as I dozed off, I heard her laugh. I held that to me and smiled, imagining that somewhere, my father was greeting her, welcoming her as always, with those yellow flowers.

Today's Life Advice, from the Salad Guy at the Cafeteria

When I ordered my salad today at lunch, in English, of course, one of the cafeteria employees came over and asked me, in Spanish, of course, why I didn't order in Spanish. My response, in English, of course, is that I don't speak Spanish.
Then he asked where I was born. As I shift my weight from foot to foot like an impatient child, I tell him I was born here. Then he says, "No, your father, where was he born?" Reflexively I say "Puerto Rico" and he nods like I've just solved a puzzle.
At this point did I ask myself, "How does he know it was my father, and not my mother?" No, because I'm not quick thinking like that.
He said, "But your kids, they speak Spanish, right?" and I said, "No" instead of "What in the hell do you know about my kids you stalker?!"
Did I ask myself, "How does this guy even know I have kids?" No, because it didn't really creep me out till I left.

He went on to tell me that all but 2 workers there are Mexican, and in 10 years, I'll have to speak Spanish to get a better job. Cause in my sweater dress and pearls, I obviously look like I empty bedpans for a living.

But he was very serious. He wasn't trying to be creepy, he was just trying to share some knowledge.

Thanks, Salad Guy, for the inspiration.

Who Are Your Giants?

In this short life that we have, we can either be makers or takers. You have to find inspiration in small ways, and you have to use your own to lift up others when you can.

To paraphrase - badly - Isaac Newton, If I've seen farther than others, it's because I stood on the shoulders of giants. Who are your giants?

Words Don't Work Here

While alternately avoiding the news on Sandy Hook and compulsively watching it, my husband said something out of the blue to me that made my heart break all over again. We were discussing the last few Christmas gifts we're buying, when he asked simply, "What about all the Christmas presents they already bought?" Of course he didn't need to come out and say he was thinking of the parents of the victims at Sandy Hook, because I knew. My only reply was, "Those people will never be the same again."

This morning it was so hard for me to let go of the kids for school. All I could think of was, "How do I know they'll be ok?"

I'll preface this by saying, "You don't want to read this."
About a month ago, as I dropped Isaiah off at school, I had the worst feeling. As I watched him go in, and the door close behind him, suddenly a horrible feeling of absolute dread came over me. Not a vague fear, but a very specific one. I could almost see a man walking into the same door my son just did, wearing black and carrying a gun. It took some serious self restraint to not go right in and get him, take him home with me and call it a day. Now, I don't believe in premonitions or future telling or anything like that. I believe that my fears got the best of me that day and allowed me to imagine my worst nightmare, maybe as a way of thinking you'd be prepared should it ever come true. But you can't be. Ever. And all of those parents in Sandy Hook know that. I can't help but wonder if anyone had one of those feelings on Friday, and wishes they'd followed their instincts.

My heart is heavy with sadness, my mind runs with horrible thoughts, and tears escape my eyes as I sneak peeks at the news.

Although I know I don't have the strength to face the immeasurable pain of the families there, I wish I could hug each one and tell them that there is love in this world. That millions of people all across the world mourn with them. And that while it will never be "ok" again for them, they are not alone.

Sandy Hook

Sandy Hook, CT. Clackamas, OR. Oak Creek, WI. Virginia Tech. Aurora, CO. Columbine.

Lives lost, countless families devastated, a country cries. The blame begins, the finger pointing.

Then it happens again. What kind of a world is this?

I have no more words.