In Which I Admit to Being a Horrible Human Being

These past few weeks have been crazy ones. I've had to tell my distressed mother that she cannot come and live with me. My grandmother - the Chief's wife - was hospitalized, which caused her children to act like anarchist asshats. Really just one child, but she sure did mess it up for everyone. As I sat at her bedside in the hospital, she told me of her concerns for the health and well being of her youngest son, who is... what's the word du jour? .... differently abled? Mentally disabled? Learning disabled? Who knows. She is afraid of what will happen with him when she's gone. And as I sat there looking into her eyes, I silently begged, "Please don't ask me to do this."

Because honestly, that woman never said no to me in my whole life. Her favorite saying was, "You can have anything your little heart desires, as long as it's within reason." So if she were to ask me directly, I'd never, ever say no to her. But thankfully, she didn't. She said she's taking his desires into account, and he's said that he would like to go live with someone else, if he had to. I guess I'm just on standby in case that doesn't work out.

One might asked what caused me to be so awful, selfish and uncaring. Was I not loved enough as a child? Did no one hug me? Yes, I was loved - and quite a lot, I'll add - but somehow in the last year or so I realized that it's ok to say no. Apparently the world won't stop turning if I don't take on everything, every request, every dilemma, that comes my way. I'm not saying I won't lend a hand. I am saying that I won't upend my life because others are unwilling to take on responsibilities. And that's just going to have to be ok. If it were an uncontrollable situation that someone was in, then of course, I'm there. But if it's due to a lifetime of bad decisions and refusal to plan, then no, you're on your own this time. How does that saying go? A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Whew! Now that's putting some heavy family shit out there. None of which they'd appreciate, and I mean, who would? Good thing none of those people read my blog, huh?

Going Paul Revere on This One

My sister is coming! My sister is coming!

The very same sister I blogged about trying to find (of course, because I only have one... that I know of) and that I flew across this great nation to surprise after she found me - she is coming here to visit! To say I'm excited would be a dreadful understatement.

Karma is a Bitch

A long time ago, when I was a young child, we had sleep overs. At these sleep overs, parents routinely threatened to kill us for staying up all night, which we didn't understand.

Payback is a bitch. Now I understand.

Last night my dear child had a friend sleep over. This, against my better judgement, as he has to work today. (Yes, he has a part time job over summer vacation) I sent these children to bed - which happens to be located right next to my bedroom - and for the next THREE hours had to repeatedly tell to to be quiet and go to sleep before I eventually walked out and announced that I was going to kill them and no jury would find me guilty.

So for all those times I kept parents awake, I sincerely apologize.

And for the kids that kept me up last night - I woke them up at 6:15am. I prefer quick payback.

In Which I Become The Parent of a High Schooler

One day, you're sick with exhaustion, bleary eyed and stumbling into work with some unidenified bodily fluid on your half tucked in shirt, the victim of a tiny dictator person who depends on your for, well, everything. You've spent the night feeding, cleaning, rocking and possibly negotiating with this baby in the slim hopes that he'll let you sleep more than ten minutes a stretch before you are expected to arrive and act like a fully functioning human at the office that day. You'd be secretly pleased with yourself for keeping it togther, if you ever had a moment's time to actually reflect on the whole thing.

The next, your now independent child walks into high school.

Just like that.

Wow. It's like a time warp. Know what else you missed during that time? You've lost all sense of fashion, popular music, and let's face it, your hair style is probably outdated, too. I can't help but think that this isn't just a new time for him, but a new time for me as well. Instead of propping him up as a child it's time to point him in the right direction as a young man.

And I guess updating my hair wouldn't hurt.

What ARE These Emotions?

As I get older, I'm finding small cracks in my armor. Last night at the kids' concert, I found myself actually getting choked up when my boy was on stage, thinking about how after next week, he'll be done with this grammar school where he's spent so many years, and he'll be moving on to something new.
And then when I went to say that to my husband, my voice cracked. And I thought, "What the ..??" That's not supposed to happen!
When tucking my little one in last night, he sang me a lullaby. My heart almost exploded. Leading me to question, who has turned on the great faucet of emotion I've got going on here?
Last month, while on vacation, we were watching a fireworks extravaganza in the happiest place on Earth, and I looked over and saw my 3 guys looking up, eyes wide, smiles wider, and the light and colors from the fireworks reflected on their faces, and the absolute love, happiness and gratitude I felt at that moment literally made my chest hurt.

Once upon a time, I held these people when they were tiny and brand new, and honestly believed at the time that it was humanly impossible to love them - and their father - any more than I did at that moment.

I was wrong.

Kid:1 Momma:0

Tonight my little one argued over dinner. No surprise, as he argues over everything. He protested the dinner offerings, pleading for something else. After explaining to him that it would take too long to make something else , I kept saying NO. At last he said, "But mom! I had such a rough day!" "So did I, and no one's making me dinner." was my reply. He stood up, and with tears in his eyes and absolute sincerity he said, "I'll make your dinner mom. With all of my cooking abilities, I'll make it for you!" Sweetest offer ever. Instead, I took a big hug, and then promptly caved in and made him a special order dinner. Such a con man, this one. But he's a really cute con man.

No Chip Manicure!

No, seriously, it hasn't chipped and I think I may never buy nail polish again. Yes I've said that before, after trying Incoco and Sally Hansen nail color strips. Those, they look great, but they start to come off the next day.
Allow me to explain. If I spent as much time studing as painting and maintaining my nails, I'd have a PhD already. For mother's day, my husband got me a gift card for my favorite nail salon. Decided to spring for the no chip manicure and found it to be pretty fricken awesome.
It's not nail polish, so they're kind of misleading. It's a gel overlay with a super shiny and durable topcoat. Voila! Nail polish look, overlay durability.
Since this isn't your standard polish, it takes a little more oomph to get it off when it's time for a change. If you've seen women in your local salon with aluminum robot fingers, that's what they're doing. I think I can live with that.
*only complaint: The color I picked out was a very deep red, dark and wine like. What I ended up with on my fingers is a bright hooker red. Not sure if they had the color mislabled or whether there's something else that accounts for the variation.
After 2 weeks I'll update on how it's held up. Depending on how much growth is visible, I may even let it go on a little longer.