Halloween

Trick or treating was fun with Batman and Zombie Doctor. There was a guy dressed as Michael Meyers that I swear was following me. Lots of friendly kids and parents, orderly lines at the houses with the best candy, and plenty of Power Rangers, Supermen and Hannah Montanas. The only negative came when one woman grabbed her little ninja by his costume and threatened to "smack the **** outta" him. The rest of us stopped and stared at her, so she let him go, straightened his costume, and was overly nice the rest of the evening. I'm afraid she beat him when they got home though.

As we were walking home, we passed a police car with seizure inducing lights going. So I asked who was going to go up to the squad, knock on the window, and say Trick or Treat. No one?? Okay, fine. Then we passed driver of said squad car who was talking to someone on a front porch. Belly asked if that was the police. I said yes, then thought about it and said, "Unless he's just dressed like that for Halloween. Convincing costume, but I wouldn't go anywhere with him if I were you." That earned me quite a dirty look from him. No sense of humor!

Liquid Lunch

My office is a strange place. This is what I see in the closet each day on my way into the kitchen. What are they suggesting? And why don't they just keep it all IN the kitchen with the coffee and tea??

And Lunch With My OB/GYN

In my post explaining the horrors of prednisone, I talked about my eye doctor that accused me of snorting coke and then mis-read my blood work and told me I had syphilis. This same doctor, he's a nice guy. Happily married, has a baby. Just always seemed a little too... familiar with me. He'd call me about an eye appointment and then he'd want to chat. He'd given me his email address, but I never used it. One time, he asked me about movies, I said my husband and I like all kinds of movies (because when a male is being too chatty, sometimes you have to repeat and reiterate "my husband" a lot) and he said his wife doesn't like horror movies, so as a result he doesn't get to see them. Yeah, okay, whatever dude. Then he gives me his phone number and says to call him next time we're going to go, and he'll come with. Weird. Who hangs out with their eye doctor? Yet every time I see him he says, "You've got my number, right?"

Last weekend my mother went to the dentist. He used to be my dentist, too. Really cool guy. He's into tattoos and motorcycles. Above all, he's a fabulous dentist and I trusted him like no other. Anyway - I last saw him when I was pregnant with my little guy who is now 4. He sold his practice and went to one that doesn't take my insurance. So, my mom goes to see him and she comes back and gives me a little sticky note with his phone number and email address. Huh? She said that he kept telling her "Jesse rocks!" and that we had always planned to hang out but never did. So I ask my husband what he thinks, does he want to go double date with the dentist and his wife? His reply, "Yeah I guess so, but who hangs out with their dentist?"

Fun with ipod Shuffle

This is what's played so far this morning:

Sheila E - Glamorous Life (wait while I tease my hair)

Grease Soundtrack - Title track

Coal Chamber - Dreamland (morning music)

Paula Abdul - Forever Your Girl

Elvis - Surrender (off the 30 #1 Hits of course)

Tool - Ticks & Leeches (Who doesn't love Maynard?)

Ashford & Simpson - Solid (..... as a rock!)

Vapors - Turning Japanese (My Golden Boy loves this song)

Atmosphere - Free or Dead (sing it, Slug)

Interpol - Rest My Chemistry (how did this even get in here?)

Scott Weiland - Where's the Man? (Scott's my dad.... long story)

Cold - Send in the Clowns (Whatever happened to Scooter?)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Bang (rock on)

George Michael - Careless Whisper (Stop acting like you don't know that song)

Norah Jones - I've Got to See You Again (I love Norah)

Now playing: 2pac - Holla if Ya Hear Me (Tupac was spotted at a KFC is Tacoma last week)

Green Eyeshadow and Other Random Thoughts

1. The mouse lived. Clementine, my demented and defective cat, is stalking the pantry now, waiting for it to come out.

2. My outfit looks like it was chosen by a blind person or a stylist with rage disorder. It's 5 shades of black and just isn't working. My sweater is itchy and my skirt is 3 inches too short.

3. Belly was sure he was Spiderman last week. Now he's a Transformer. He lays on the floor in the fetal position and says, "I'm a car." then jumps up yelling, "Shing! Ching! Fwing!" and is suddenly Optimus Prime. But you can just call him Sybil.

4. Dogs don't like celery, but mine will eat raw onions.

5. This morning I thought green eye shadow was a good idea. I was wrong.

Hey, Mouse Breath!

Friday night was movie night at the kids’ school, so after our refugee day, we met up with a friend and went to see The Nightmare Before Christmas. The kids set up sleeping bags on the floor in front of the screen, ate hot dogs and popcorn, and had fun. My friend and I talked about a few women there that we went to high school with – amazing the stuff you suddenly remember when you start talking about it. Not all of it good, but most of it is terribly funny. If you have any juicy stuff on people from Lane, c/o 1996, pass it along! Jail time, nobel prizes, multiple baby daddies – bring it.

Saturday was Girl’s Night. The restaurant was pretty busy when we got there and I’m pretty sure our foul mouths – and not to mention Captain Cleavage and her indecent exposure! – ran off the other customers. Then we went to a friends beautiful condo with a view of the Hancock building (in the middle of winter, on a very clear day, if you stand on your toes) and really got into the spirit of the evening. We scared 2 younger girls out of ever having children. We yakked about mortgages and jobs. My god how old we must have sounded! This particular Girl’s Night was in the city… smack in the middle of Chicago. The suburbanites got excited when the police beat someone up out in front, then searched the area for contraband. After waving off my ride home, I eventually called a cab and tip toed in to find DH playing video games and not noticing my absence. Ah, love.

Sunday was a quiet day. Until – there’s always a catch! – my husband opened the pantry and saw a mouse scurry away. He asked me to bring Clementine, my demented and defective cat, over to catch it. I said, “She’s not a mouser! She’s not going to catch it!” Well she proved me wrong. Took her 3 seconds to nab the little thing. I picked her up and told my husband to take the mouse away and put it outside. Instead she drops it on the floor, it tries to run and leaves a bloody trail behind it. I put her back down and she got the mouse again. Picked her back up to take her outside, she dropped it again. This time though, the wounded little guy ran into the small hole in the frame where a door once hung between the kitchen and laundry room. And I’m sure it’s going to die there, too. So I called it a day, and asked my husband why he can’t simply put down a mousetrap instead of calling in the furry death squad and making the little mouse suffer and die an agonizing death. Walked to my room calling behind me, “And what did that little mouse ever do to you? Huh?” which prompted him to call me a mouse sympathizer. Is that anything like being a commie pinko?

Witness Protection and Relocation

Today I’m writing from a top secret location… even I don’t know exactly where I am!

My little darlings are off school today and requiring adult supervision, of course. I’d scheduled this as a work from home day so I could be with them while still fulfilling my responsibilities for work. Sounds fabulous doesn’t it? And it WAS until my husband informed me that our internet connection was down and he’d already called the phone company who said it wouldn’t be back up until tonight.

Panic. Worry. I have to log in and work – but where can I do that all day with the kids?? The library? Not all day. My grandparents house? No, too many dogs. Time to see who your real friends are. Called someone (a very nice person) and he very kindly agreed to letting me and the kids take over his house for the day so I could get some work done. Disaster averted! Grabbed sleepy kids, a backpack full of snacks, toys and lunch, and we ran out of the house. Met kind person to get house keys and directions. Oh yes, did I mention I'd never even BEEN to this person's house before!? He said the door is kind of tricky to open. Okay, fine. So I'm standing in a doorway with the kids, it's raining, they're whining, and I CAN'T get the door open. The lock won't budge. I push, pull, kick, plead..... nothing. I text him because I'm sure the neighbors are calling the police thinking we're breaking in. Of course, we look like refugees - sweats, backpacks, wild hair - except I don't think refugees travel with McDonald's coffee. Whatever. He sends me a text and explains why I can't get in. I'm at the wrong door!

Once I go to the right door, we're in like sly cat burglars. We get into the house and he even has the computer all set up for me. The kids are watching TV and being quiet and all seems well with the world.

Until I find out that my husband's work sent his direct deposit to the wrong bank!! So I gather my refugee children and run to one bank, take out what seems like a ton of cash and I'm so sure today will be the day I'll get mugged. We jump back in the truck and hightail it to the other bank, make a big deposit, run back to our safe house for the day. At this point, the kids are having so much fun I think they're good candidates for the witness protection program.

Another typical day :)