Which is More Dangerous to a Mom?

A) Watching too much Law & Order, Special Victims Unit
B) Watching too much Cold Case Files
C) Reading too many serial killer books
D) All of the above

The answer is D. Last night I had a terrifying nightmare that Daimean was abducted, and was texting me, asking me to help him. And I couldn't find him. Seriously, is there anything more heart stopping for a parent?

You Know it's Friday When

Today I brought a gun to work. No, not a real one. It has little plastic bbs, they don't hurt, exactly, but they sting. It was a Valentine's Day gift from Hubs. In honor of the St Valentine's Day Massacre maybe? I dunno.
Anyway, my office gets pretty wild on Fridays. So we played with the gun earlier, threatening people, flashing it from waist bands, etc. Then I put it away and went back to doing what I get paid to do.
But there's one person here who has made a running joke about being afraid of me. Yeah, all 5 feet of me. Anyway, I waited until he walked in our office, and I shot him. Didn't say a word, just pulled out the gun and shot him in the chest. Well of COURSE he was startled and jumped, grabbed his chest and looked like he'd really been shot. Then I said, "I'll give you something to be scared of."

THEN I laughed until I was crying and gasping for air. Ah, most fun I've had all day.

Boy, You'll Be a Man Soon

Isaiah lost his first tooth. Next thing you know, he'll be off to college.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

At the craft store tonight, Isaiah saw a small, wooden cross. He picked it up and asked if I wanted it. I said no thanks, I've already got plenty of crosses. So I asked him if he wanted it to hang up in his room. He said yes, then informed me, "This is the cross. Like the one that Judas got Jesus put on. Only this one is midgeter."

Prelude to this - why were we at the craft store in tonight's cold and snow? Because Daimean said, "Oh mom, I need a poster board and a stencil.... my science project is due tomorrow."

Did I say that kids say the darndest things? I meant the &@^%@!$@#%^ things!

Where No Woman Has Gone Before

Too… tired. Can’t… go on.

I do a decent Bill Shatner. Okay, I really don’t. I’m just feeling unmotivated.

New! Try It!

Last night we saw a McDonald’s commercial for a Big Mac snack wrap. As I understand it, it’s got Big Mac ingredients inside a soft tortilla. Looks awful, really horrid.
Isaiah gets excited and says, “Look! It’s a Happy Meal taco!” Then proceeds to tell the rest of us that since we like tacos, we should try it. I asked him if he’d be trying it, and he said, sadly, “No, I’m not a big fan of tacos.”

It Only Takes a Moment

Isaiah told me something today that stopped my heart. He said, “You know that thing that was on my shield? I ate it. I didn’t know.”

I must have looked puzzled, I assumed he ate a toy, for crying out loud. Then I thought about his shield, and he’d had a box of mints on it, so I asked about those. He said, “No. It was medicine. I didn’t know.”

Cue heart racing panic.

Daimean chimes in, “Yeah, he ate a Rolaids. It was on the dining room table.”

Yesterday I pulled a few coins, and for some reason, a Rolaids chewable tablet, from my pocket and absentmindedly set them on the table, then wandered off and forgot. Of course, one single Rolaids isn’t going to hurt him, but it’s a hell of a reminder that medicine often looks and/or tastes like candy, and it only takes one second for a child to eat it.

Please excuse me while I try to get my heart rate back under 200, and take a moment to be thankful that it was only antacid that I’d been careless with, and not Tylenol, Mortin or Excedrine – any of which may be found in my pockets or bag on any given day.