Well here we are, at the bi-weekly abuse session, also known as my mom's chemo appointment. The infusion nurse is all alone today, and handling 6 or 7 patients on her own. This, and everything else, is making my mother angry. Since we've been here she's told me all about her expert opinions on civil engineering, custody disputes, oncology, general dentistry etc. And she is always right. When I stopped agreeing with her, she called me an asshole. I'm considering leaving her here and letting her walk home. Now that would be an asshole move.
What I really don't understand is how she can be so mean to me, and so incredibly nice to everyone else. She's thanking people left and right, apologizing for nothing, telling them how she's going to take them all for lunch after this is done. But me? The daughter who has been here every time and every appointment, listened to all the tears and screams, I'm an asshole. Of course.
Sorry, this is a whiny ass blog today. I'm going to suck it up and deal, because really, what else can I do? No point in being pissed off all day. No good to LET her push my buttons. Since I can't control the way she acts, all I can control is my reaction to it, right?
2 comments:
I can definitely see why this is such a touchy subject. 1.) She's your mom and you care about her and love her 2.) She's just not appreciative that. 3.) All of this is for a good cause, she'll eventually be all better... hopefully. So sorry you're going thru this but I hope you know that, I'm sure deep down inside, she is grateful for you being an absolutely great daughter. :)
It took me a few years to understand why my last interaction with my father was such a Charlie Foxtrot. He was so MEAN to me, but achingly nice to complete and total strangers--the chemo nurses were practically on his Christmas list. In fact, it actually took me having a toddler to figure it out.
Just like a child throwing a tantrum with their favorite parent, my father felt safe with me. He felt safe enough to be scared and angry, but he wasn't in touch with it all enough to just say, "Hey, I'm scared and angry. It's not about you, but you're the best punching bag I've got right now. Sorry."
I'm so sorry your mom is sick. You're doing an amazing thing by being there for her, and you're right--you don't have to react to it. But you wouldn't be human if you didn't. I'd come hold your hand if I could, just to reassure you that someone else has been there and understands.
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