Words Don't Work Here

While alternately avoiding the news on Sandy Hook and compulsively watching it, my husband said something out of the blue to me that made my heart break all over again. We were discussing the last few Christmas gifts we're buying, when he asked simply, "What about all the Christmas presents they already bought?" Of course he didn't need to come out and say he was thinking of the parents of the victims at Sandy Hook, because I knew. My only reply was, "Those people will never be the same again."

This morning it was so hard for me to let go of the kids for school. All I could think of was, "How do I know they'll be ok?"

I'll preface this by saying, "You don't want to read this."
About a month ago, as I dropped Isaiah off at school, I had the worst feeling. As I watched him go in, and the door close behind him, suddenly a horrible feeling of absolute dread came over me. Not a vague fear, but a very specific one. I could almost see a man walking into the same door my son just did, wearing black and carrying a gun. It took some serious self restraint to not go right in and get him, take him home with me and call it a day. Now, I don't believe in premonitions or future telling or anything like that. I believe that my fears got the best of me that day and allowed me to imagine my worst nightmare, maybe as a way of thinking you'd be prepared should it ever come true. But you can't be. Ever. And all of those parents in Sandy Hook know that. I can't help but wonder if anyone had one of those feelings on Friday, and wishes they'd followed their instincts.

My heart is heavy with sadness, my mind runs with horrible thoughts, and tears escape my eyes as I sneak peeks at the news.

Although I know I don't have the strength to face the immeasurable pain of the families there, I wish I could hug each one and tell them that there is love in this world. That millions of people all across the world mourn with them. And that while it will never be "ok" again for them, they are not alone.

Sandy Hook

Sandy Hook, CT. Clackamas, OR. Oak Creek, WI. Virginia Tech. Aurora, CO. Columbine.

Lives lost, countless families devastated, a country cries. The blame begins, the finger pointing.

Then it happens again. What kind of a world is this?

I have no more words.

I Have Had Enough!

*said in my best Bill Cosby impersonating his wife, Camille, voice*

I-i-i-i... have had ... E-nough!

What was once my Golden Child, the boy I'd have cloned, for all of his perfection, is now numero uno on my shit list. So help me baby Jesus, I've had to walk away to keep myself from smacking the crap out of him. And the day is still young, folks, so I may break before it's over.

He is about to be thrown out of his wonderful private school, because he is going to lose his academic scholarship, because he won't do his work. Reality is going to hit him hard in the face when he A) has to repeat his freshmen year and B) does so in a shitbox of a public school.

He's going to miss out on so many opportunities because he just won't do his work. Scholarships and clubs and all of the GOOD things high school has to offer. Oh and not to mention all of the social things he has missed out on for being on punishment ALL of the time. Can't have a girlfriend if you're never allowed to leave the house. Can't have fun with your friends if you're never allowed to leave the house. And the simple solution - just do your work - seems to escape him.

So check in next week to find out whether said child has been allowed to continue living.

Four More Years

It is with restored faith in my fellow Americans that I woke up today secure in the knowledge that the progress made in the last four years to repair our economy and improve the health of our citizens will not be undone. In the face of blatant hate and unapologetic attempts at minority voter suppression, we have won. Men with extreme views on rape and reproduction were soundly shut down, and replaced by sensible voters. 

On a larger, historical scale, we have proven that Barack Obama was not an anomaly. He is a strong leader, chosen again by the people. Fearing a white backlash, the same kind that killed Reconstruction, led by Mitch McConnell, we minorities claimed our right to choose our leader. Because you know what? Those angry white men (or grey faced males with $2 haircuts, as Tina Fey called them) are truly a dying breed. 

The idea that there has been a "war on women" was really not so far fetched. It frightened me to be faced with strictly religious men legislating based on their personal faith rather than the freedom of the people. It's that overly paternalistic view that they must make decisions for us, because they believe we are too feeble minded and immoral to make them ourselves, that today allows us to say goodbye to Akin (and his ridiculous "legitimate rape" comments) and Murdock (of the "rape pregnancy is god's will" infamy) 

Our Supreme Court is, by and large, an aging bunch. With the chance to appoint hard liner ideologues, Mitt Romney would have been "delighted" to overturn Roe v Wade. His party's desire to restrict birth control based on their religious beliefs, and their willingness to return America to the days of back alley abortions (because let's face it, making it illegal will not stop it) they were a dangerous duo. 

Lastly, if you cannot say emphatically that you support the Lily Ledbetter Act, then fuck you. 

Kids Know What Beauty Is

This morning, in the car, as we discussed my little one's recent grades on his social studies tests:

He: I'm getting good grades in math and science, and those are important. I'm not getting a good grade in art, but it's not important, right mom?
Me: *gasp* Of course art is important. It helps you see the beauty of the world all around you. Don't you want to see beautiful things?
He: I already know what's beautiful.
Me: Ok, what do you think is beautiful?
He: You are.

Score 1 for the little guy.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My dear, sweet nine year old boy just told me that he heard at
school that since Mitt Romney is a republican, he wants to bring back
slavery.

He looked at me so seriously, and so aware of what he was asking, that
it broke my heart. He is really afraid that slavery - literal slavery - is going to come back.

Of course I assured him that Mitt Romney does not want to reinstate slavery. (For the record, I don't know Mitt Romney's views on slavery, only on the benefits of shipping jobs overseas for profit, his desire to overturn Roe v. Wade, and his desire to invalidate the marriages and rights of gay couples, and belief that he should choose whether or not my birth control is covered by my insurance... given all that, I may start to suspect he'd reinstate slavery, too)

It scares me that he hears things like that. What scares me more is
that he has to ASK a question like that, that he's honestly afraid
someone will be elected and literally reinstate slavery. What kind of
world is this?

It's a Hard Knock Life

Daimean - General complaint meant to make you feel bad for him.
Isaiah - "I feel bad for poor momma, cause she has to raise us kids. Mom, did you want to have kids?"
Me - "yes, I did."
Isaiah - "well not me!"
Daimean - "why?"
Isaiah - "because I don't want to fork over my money to ungrateful kids."
Daimean - "you're saying you're ungrateful?"
Isaiah - "no, not me. I'm grateful for everything."
Daimean - "really? Cause last week you said you hate your life, remember?"
Isaiah - "oh. Yea. Sorry about that. I was going through a rough time."
Daimean - "rough time!? You're 8....."