And... They're Off!

Yesterday was mom's first chemo treatment. She tolerated it well. 1 down, 11 more to go. The bone marrow came out clean, so she's officially stage 2b. It's true, what they told her. She walked out of there like nothing had happened.

While mom was in the infusion room, I spent a few hours talking to my aunt. It was great for me to have someone there who understood what was going on.

One thing I didn't expect was the strange feeling of sitting across from someone who looks like you. Strange, but positive. It automatically makes you feel like you belong. Having no siblings, and only one parent (the one I don't resemble, of course) and 2 kids that look like their dad, well... It was comforting to see at least a little bit of myself in someone else.

This is my aunt's last night here. I'll miss her.

And the Beat Goes On

Yesterday my mom went and picked out a wig. I know that was hard. They showed her how to wash it and care for it, and let her know they offer free styling and trimming. Her mother went with her, so she wasn’t alone. This must be hard for my grandmother, to see her daughter going through this. I wouldn’t know because I’ve avoided calling her.

Holy mother of coincidence! A young guy from work just walked in here and told us he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He’s starting chemo in two weeks. It’s a small, fucked up world afterall.

My aunt got here last night. I loaded my mom and the kids in the car and picked her up. We went to dinner, where the kids acted like absolute savages. Didn’t get home until almost midnight, after dropping my aunt off at her hotel. I’m jealous. I wish I had a room and bathroom of my own!

Father’s Day is Sunday and I’m wholly unprepared.

Tomorrow’s the big day. We get up early and head to the hospital for mom’s first chemo treatment. Wish us luck.

And How Was Your Morning?

This morning, I awoke an hour before my alarm was set to go off. I *thought*, just maybe, I'd heard Hubs call out from downstairs. I listened for a moment and didn't hear anything. Decided to take the dogs out and start coffee, so I head downstairs.
Hubs is standing in front of the TV with a very strange, almost alarmed look on his face. Slowly, I ask, "Um, did you say something?"
Which led directly to this:

Yes, that is me holding my husband's second most favorite possession (only after the Jeep) because the mounting was falling off the wall. So now the TV is temporarily back on it's original stand, and just over it, is A BIG HOLE in the wall. Yay! Goes well with the hole in the kitchen ceiling that was covered, but not repaired. Also the ZERO thresholds separating the rooms. Oh, oh, and the bathroom door that was only roughed in, and still missing the trim around it. And the kids' room, where it's only half painted after the wall was removed. Did I mention I have an aunt coming from out of town? She's going to take one look at my Half Done House and think I'm living the crack head dream.

Yesterday I went to visit an awesome friend in the hospital. A doctor was in the room, going over the surgery she's having today. Triple bypass, yikes. Anyway, the doctor is asking a ton of questions, and I can see how hard it is for my friend to give straight answers. They just begged for sarcasm and humor. Finally, she broke when the doc asked if she had any missing teeth. She pointed to the back of her mouth and said she'd had a wisdom tooth pulled. Doc asks, "Anything loose in front?"
to which my dear friend replied, "Well, I've got saggy tits, does that count?"

Today I'm blogging from the hospital where my mom is having her PET scan and bone marrow biopsy done. The waiting room I've been banished to has no coffee. Instead of breakfast this morning, I was on TV holding duty while we tried to get it off the stupid mount. It's going to be a long day. And how was *your* morning??

Disturbing Mental Images

I was at the park with the kidlets when Daimean says, "Hey mom, how does that Halloween thing go? You know, trick or treat, smell my feet...."
I said yes, I know it.
"Give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear??"
Again, yes, that's the way it goes.
Cue serious, disturbed face while he says, "But isn't that kind of sick?"

Get Yer Game Face On

My mom went out of town this weekend with her brother. When she came back, I expected her to be in good spirits.
I was wrong.
She’s impatient, emotional and quick to anger.
The good news is that she’s always been like that. The bad news is that now she has a damn good reason for it. We sat down and reviewed the plan for this week, what tests on which days, etc. She’s really pissed off that the PET scan is early in the morning, but the bone marrow biopsy isn’t until the afternoon. How dare they make her wait! No matter how many times I explain that they have many other patients and that they did, indeed, schedule her tests as quickly and closely as possible… waiting is inevitable, just deal with it. Again, she’s always been like this. I remember once, when I was a child, we were waiting in line at Montgomery Ward, and she had an armful of clothes for both of us. After 3 or 4 minutes, she declared the wait to be ridiculous, dropped it all and walked out. *sigh* She also believes that cutting up a credit card and mailing it to the issuing company effectively closes your account. So you see the irrationality I’m up against.
We received some good and practical suggestions regarding her hair and making a transition to a wig. Yesterday I talked to her about it, but before she could make a decision, she got upset. Hell, it’s not even my hair and it makes me upset. I told her we could get matching blonde wigs and pretend we’re Marilyn Monroe. She didn’t laugh.
Good news – my aunt from FL is coming in to town. My mom has always liked her a lot, so to me, it’s like calling in reinforcements. The big plus is that my aunt works in oncology. Now that’s a great person to have on your side. She’ll be here for the first chemo treatment, and while I have a feeling she thinks she’s coming here to help my mom, having her here will make me feel a million times better. Oh, and this aunt is from my father’s side, meaning she’s not insane. Had to clarify.

People Like That Are the Only People Here: Canonical Babbling in Peed Onk

In case you didn't see the whole post title, it's "People Like That Are the Only People Here: Canonical Babbling in Peed Onk" This was a short story from Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules, edited by one of my heroes, David Sedaris. Peed onk is short for pediatric oncology.

It popped in my head today, as I spent most of the day in on the oncology floor with my mother. That's one place you never expect to be. Sure, statistically, plenty of people will be there at one point or another, either as a patient or in support of one. Then one day, you're there. Wishing you weren't. Wishing you were anywhere else. Trying to balance remaining positive with understanding the fear your loved one surely feels. Saying it'll be ok, when you know that right that moment, that person sure as hell doesn't feel ok.

That said, it was an incredibly positive meeting. Dr. Malhotra was patient and kind and above all, positive. He literally said that classic HL is "extremely curable" and well, ya can't say that about every cancer. Below is a picture I snapped of us on the way out today, see, she's smiling.



The plan is this - chemo every other week for 6 months. He believes her to be stage 2, with multiple masses on only one side of the diaphragm. They've scheduled another battery of tests, including a PET scan, in order to create a baseline for comparison while she goes through treatment and verify that the masses they've documented are indeed the only ones present. A bone marrow biopsy (ouch, it hurts just to write that) to make sure there's no cancer in her bone marrow, which would move her to stage 4. He says even in that event, it would still be curable.
They have plans for controlling nausea, so her hope of losing weight on The Chemo Diet were dashed when Dr. M said she probably wouldn't lose much weight. But, he says, you will begin to lose your hair 2-4 weeks after the first treatment. Now, I know that everyone says this is a little, minor, temporary thing. But dammit, imagine for one moment that you're going to lose YOUR hair, and see how you feel. So we talked wigs and scarves. That doesn't make her feel any better. Your identity and self esteem are directly linked to how you look, how you see yourself. It sucks.

And so, a week from tomorrow, she begins the cancer fight. There's a great prognosis, a solid support staff at the hospital, and friends offering help. I'm happy about these things. I know it will be ok. But right this moment, somehow it's just not. When we got home, I asked, "How do you feel? Ready to do this? Positive? Optimistic? It's only a few months out of your life. You're going to do this. So.. how do ya feel?"
She replied, "I feel scared."

Me, too, Mom. Me, too.

"I Was Meant for More Than This"

Oh my dear, abandoned, pushed aside blog! It's funny, I started blogging as a way to vent, share and be able to jot down my musings and experiences for... well, I don't know.
But here I am, busy as the day is long, and in need of venting and sharing, and I've stayed away from the blog here.
No more!
So here's where we are, dear reader: My mom's been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, and had surgery last week to remove a lump from her neck. Today we meet with the oncologist to discuss the next steps, which will be chemo and/or radiation.
Terrifying? Absolutely. Before there was a solid diagnosis, they thought it was lung cancer that had already spread. all I could think was that even though she irritates me on a regular basis, she's my mother, and I can't bear losing her. Over the last year or so, we've finally gotten into a rhythm of talking and hanging out without constantly arguing. She's my shopping buddy, and my confidant. I can tell her anything and she will always support me (unless it has to do with punishing my kids....) no matter what. She's on my side, right or wrong.
I tell her that cancer sucks, but that this will be over by the end of summer, and it's something she'll be able to put behind her.
My uncle is on his way to pick me up, because he's going to the oncologist appointment with her. My grandparents were invited to lunch today to present a unified front and show our support. However (and this is where it gets fun) they live in my aunt's building, and my aunt has decided to sue my uncle. So while they're battling it out in court and out, my aunt told my grandmother that if my uncle shows up in court this morning, he's going to be arrested because she's having him charged with molesting her when she was a child. So my grandparents are afraid to see my uncle for fear of pouring gas on the flame of my aunt's insanity. Oh, and they've got to get 6 dog licenses today, because their neighbor's called the city and reported them for having too many dogs. *sigh*

And I'm sitting here, watching Mark Consuelos and Kelly Ripa host Live! with Bradley Cooper visiting. This makes me want to quit working and stay home to watch daytime tv forever.