Lamb

Went into Borders to pick up a few books. Got the second installment of Diary of a Wimpy Kid for Golden Boy. I read the first book, it was very funny and age appropriate. Picked up Michael Crichton's Next for DH. Then I went to grab one for myself, and I knew exactly what I wanted. Christopher Moore's "Lamb - The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal"

His other books, You Suck! and A Dirty Job are laugh out loud funny. If you haven't read them, you should. Anyway, it was between Lamb, Sam Harris' Letter to a Christian Nation or a re-read of Bertrand Russel's Why I'm Not a Christian. Since I've read plenty of serious texts lately (I'm in the midst of a self imposed break from chick lit) I figured I'd go for something that would make me laugh. So, on with the story. All I could find is the collector's edition, and I didn't want to pay $20 for a $13 book. When I got to the counter, I asked the stoner guy behind the counter to check if they have the regular, cheaper edition in stock since it's just for me, and not a gift. He wanders around for about five minutes before figuring out that the regular editions are in the stock room. Eventually he comes out with it. He rings up my purchases and stands there holding my books, he asks, "Do you want me to gift wrap these for you?" I said no thank you, just drop 'em in a bag and I'll be on my way. He continues to stand there, not bagging my books, and says, "I could gift wrap them, cause, you know, even if they're for you, you could still, you know, pretend....."

What the fuck?

Weather update: 28 degrees and a foot and a half of snow. Thank fucking goodness for 4 wheel drive. Cars were slipping and sliding all over the place this morning, and for some reason I will never understand, some idiots were actually trying to ride bicycles in this crap. Listen, it's the middle of winter, get on the damn bus. Stop fucking up traffic while you struggle through the snow in the middle of the street. When the bicycle lanes are covered in SNOW, that's a good sign that it's no time to be riding one.

Orthodontia

EEEK~! Both kids went to the dentist yesterday. Belly has two cavities and now needs baby root canals, and GB is going to have an ortho consult because he's going to get braces as soon as he looses the rest of his deciduous teeth. Yes, I said deciduous instead of "baby teeth", live with it.


When I was in school, most kids were embarrassed to have braces. The rest of our families couldn't afford it, but at the time we wouldn't have wanted them anyway. Now, kids show off their braces. They get the rubber bands color coordinated with their ipods. I've even heard of kids getting fake braces. WTF? Anyway, I'm glad the stigma is gone, because poor Golden Boy is going to be getting braces in the not too distant future.

I know of at least one person who had a really bad experience with her little one freaking out at the dentist. The thought terrifies me. I can't imagine having to hold the Belly down, or listen to him cry.

Thank god I'm not the one taking him! The pediatric dentists don't have evening or weekend hours, so DH gets to take Belly on his day off during the week. He looks at me as if he doesn't believe me, when I tell him of his mission and how it can ONLY be done on his day off. He says, "Mm-hm, how convenient" and I think, Why yes, it is :)



I'll give you a little weather update for today. It's a balmy 12 degrees and snowing sideways.



Last thing, I swear. Yesterday I saw this pic of David Beckham and I couldn't breathe for a moment.

Wordless Wednesday

Life's Great Mysteries

Yesterday I painted both my finger nails and my toe nails. By tomorrow, my manicure will be chipped and horrid looking, while my pedicure will last at least 2 weeks.

Belly cries some mornings when he gets to school, because he doesn't want to stay there. But if I take him in the evenings for a parent meeting, or on the weekend for the science fair, he cries because he doesn't want to leave.

I got this great idea to write a book, wrote the first half at light speed, and now it just hanging out in my subconscious. It's a funny story and I'm enjoying reading it, I think I'm just waiting for someone else to finish writing it. Strange, especially since I'm the only one who knows how it ends.

Waterproof mascara smudges when I yawn, but I can't get it off at night without a chemical solvent and a chisel.

I stall for 5 minutes because I don't want to arrive early, then wind up 30 minutes late.

He's What?

Report cards came out yesterday. The pre-k classes have a new report card format, but the objectives are still mostly the same. They're graded on how often or well they perform tasks or certain social skills. Washes hands, is helpful, counts to 20, etc. The new one, that I saw this morning while I was reading it to my husband, was a little line that read:
Is reverent
I started laughing a big loud laugh. My husband said, "Reverent? He's The Belly!"

Methinks the next semester they should just change his name on file to The Irreverent Belly.

Golden Boy handed me his report card (which isn't even a card anymore, it's a legal sized sheet of paper, in triplicate) and said, "I'm ready to lose my video game privileges," I look at it, and the little nut case has As in Science, Social Studies, Spelling, Language Arts, a B+ in math, and a C in Spanish. Well I told him this is wonderful, he has nothing to be ashamed of, and I know he's been working hard in math with all the new concepts they've introduced. My only concern was Spanish. Porque? THE BOY SPEAKS SPANISH! Well, speaks it at a 4th grade level anyway!

Weather Advisory

From the weather desk of Channel 5, the current weather in Chicago ....

10:29 am
Actual temp -2°
Wind chill: -20°F

This is my view of the frozen lake. My advisory is, stay the hell inside if you can!

Frantic

Yesterday when Golden Boy was putting the final touches on his science fair project, he dug in his trash bag book bag and handed me a stack of papers. It included a notice about a parent meeting (that had already passed) class pictures, and a second notice for tuition due for January. Wait a minute... I know I sent that in already. I ask him to go get his folder to check if it's in there, but he can't find the folder.

So my voice goes up a few octaves when I ask him if he turned in his tuition envelope. It's a certified check, so it's like cash and the bank takes FOREVER to stop payment and issue a new one if it gets lost. He says he "thinks" he turned it in to "either" his homeroom or his computer teacher. WHAT?! So I'm flipping out right now and asking him to just give me a YES or NO about whether he turned it in. Then DH jumps in and starts on him. Now, I've already upset him because he can see how upset I am, thinking about having lost that small fortune we pay every month to send them to private school. At this point, Golden Boy says he doesn't remember, and walks into the other room to have a nervous breakdown in peace.

This morning I call the tuition office and am told they're about to send a third notice for January tuition. I explain the situation to her, she promises to check on it and get back to me.

I get off the phone and start my own nervous breakdown.

Until she calls back a few minutes later to say that Golden Boy just turned in the tuition envelope and she can see it's dated 1/16.

Why, oh why can't they just do auto debits like normal schools??? Am I really expected to trust a small child with this small fortune every month?!

*sigh* that's being a parent for ya.

On a side note, I'm shocked and heartbroken by the death of Heath Ledger. Last night I had a dream about him dying, it was not pleasant. Here's to you, Joker.