Cancer Sucks

But you knew that already, didn't you?

Mom's having a rough day. Last Friday's chemo and following 2 days weren't bad, she said she was feeling much better. Last night she even made herself dinner, for the first time in weeks. We were talking and laughing, and for a little while at least, cancer was out of sight, out of mind.

But today she's dealing with what she thinks is a toothache, but the oncologist believes it's jaw pain from the lymphoma dying off in response to the chemo. On top of that, she's got some sore on her arm, for which the doctor prescribed antibiotics. He says she's more likely to experience sores or infections from minor things because she her immune system is compromised. AND her hair is falling out. I offered to take her to get a short, short haircut, but now she's embarassed. So tonight I'm going to do my best to give her a pixie cut, and hey, if I screw up, she already has a wig.

Will You Marry Me?

This is the ring that Isaiah keeps presenting me with, when he asks me to marry him. Lest he grow a bigger Oedipus complex, I kept explaining that I can't marry him because I'm married to Daddy. Today I gave in and said OK, I'll marry you. Then he patted my belly and told me I'm having a 3rd kid.
Now which one of us needs therapy more?!

My mom has gone completely insane. She vacillates between meanest woman alive, and sweet old grandma. One of my BFFs explained that her sister went through a sort of bi-polar existence when she was having chemo. That describes my mom perfectly right now. Friday, she spent the day berating me, calling my parenting into question, and in general just saying the meanest things she could. Then Saturday she calls me and she's a-ok. Today she calls me and repeats everything she said yesterday. When I told her this, she said she doesn't remember talking to me yesterday. Have I mentioned her propensity to self medicate? She's eating Valium like they're candy. Great.
On the major plus side, the doctor has her taking Prilosec for her stomach troubles, and when she complained some more, gave her something else for the 2 days after chemo, and she said she's feeling pretty good. I think it may have more to do with the fact that she spent the weekend with her brother and sister in law, and is having fun and not focusing so much on cancer, but instead on the things that are making her happy and making this fight worth it.

Be Still My Heart

Just found something more exciting than Elcipse (which I haven't yet seen)

Brandon Boyd is launching a solo album! If you aren't aware, I spend my days pining away for Señor Boyd. Okay, not exactly pining. But as of right now, Incubus is the only band for which I'll insist on GA tickets. I'm getting a little too old for that crap, and I've never really been big enough to hold my own in the pit. But it matters NOT when Incubus comes to my fair city.

Neurosis Alert

Come on, I can't be the only neurotic mom out there. Everyone has their little idiosyncrasies. Things that make you freeze in your tracks, or spaz out for no reason.

Today is Isaiah's first time going swimming with his day camp group. I'm freakin terrified. Tonight we plan for private swim lessons. My nervous system can't take this.

CNN's been reporting non stop on 7 year old Kyron Horman in OR, who has been missing for ... well, wya too long. Every time I see his picture my heart breaks just a little more. I bet his evil step mom knows what happened. This makes my heart break even more.

Why Can't I Microchip My Kid?

Fear. Dread. Near Panic.

That’s how I felt last night, thinking about Isaiah’s first day at day camp. Then I woke up at o-dark-thirty to worry some more. It’s a public park, with no electric fences safety perimeters to keep them in, or bad guys out. With horror, I realized he hasn’t memorized my cell phone number yet, so it’s written on a card in his pocket. Of course, my mind is crawling with worst case scenarios. Abductions. Run away tanker trucks. NAMBLA conventions.

I can microchip my dog, so why can’t I microchip my kids?? My car has Lo-Jack, but I’m not allowed to install it on my kids? Something’s wrong here. Is there someone, somewhere that makes money on lost kids? Is it like refusing to cure the common cold, because too many medicine companies would go out of business?

Of course I worry about Daimean, but not quite as much. He’s been at this camp for a few years and knows his way around. He can swim. Isaiah can’t swim, but he thinks he can. I’m afraid that he’s going to go jump in the deep water and those lazy, good for nothing lifeguards will be too worried about looking cute to care. And Daimean’s got a cell phone, which he could use, say, if he was abducted and locked in someone’s trunk.

Yeah, I’m going to go back to worrying now.

Nice to Um, Meet You?

Just sent an email. An every day type of thing, right? Typed it up, hit send. Sending pictures and info and smiles across state lines. Know why I'm so excited about this?
The email was to my sister.
My long lost sister, the one I'd asked for help in finding. Turns out, she found me first. Thank baby Jeebus for Facebook. She didn't even know my married name, and was just browsing profiles looking for someone who *might* look like me. Or what she imagined I'd look like now. She hasn't actually seen me in 18 years.
So we exchanged a little info, to make sure neither of us was some lying, conniving crack pot. Once assured I was me and she was she, she sent me her email address and phone number. I sat on it for like 6 hours. Because once I *had* it, I wasn't sure what to do with it.
Once I was home and the kids sufficiently busy enough with dinner and didn't need me right-that-instant, I picked up the phone and called her. As the phone rang, I asked myself, "What if she's insane?" I mean, really. I don't know her from Adam. In fact, the only Adam I've ever known IS insane.
But she *seemed* pretty normal, and she made me laugh a lot. Her childhood wasn't great, but she hasn't held any anger or bitterness. Her mom made her believe that our dad didn't care about her. I emphatically ensured her that was wrong, that he cared very much, and he always loved her and thought about her - AND always paid that child support on time. He didn't find out until much later that her mom didn't actually USE it to SUPPORT her child. So if she got nothing else from that conversation, I hope she understands that her father wasn't perfect, but he did love her.
Don't know what will happen next. Whether we'll continue to talk and get to know one another, or whether the excitement will wear off and we'll drift apart. Either way, I'm really happy to have made this connection. To know she's happy and healthy. To know she's out there. And for once, I can actually just pick up the phone and say hi. Or send a quick email. Just like that.

Two Stupid People

All Hubs wanted for Father's Day was to buy a new bike for Daimean to replace the one that was stolen. So, after he did the price check thing online, off to Target we went. To buy a bike. A fully assembled bike.
Two *smart* people would have taken Big Bertha (the Jeep) for this. However, two *stupid* people take the VW Jetta and are actually surprised when confronted with a bike that won't fit in the car.
On the plus side, it was A FREAKIN' BIKE so Daimean and Hubs took turns driving one another on the way home.

Daimean met a girl this weekend, at the school's summer celebration. She likes him. He likes her. I heard through the grapevine (which consists of other kids and her mom) that she planned to kiss him on the cheek at the end of the night. He hasn't talked about it yet but I'm hoping he might. Besides Daimean's first hint of action, the party was great fun, and reminds me how thankful I am that we're a part of the extended family at SJB.

Mom is doing alright, but riding my nerves like a jockey. I thought maybe it was because we've been spending way too much time together and she knows how to push my buttons. Until I sat down last night and read my last pregnancy journal. Found it a few weeks ago, tucked in among a bunch of old picture books. It was from when I was pregnant with Isaiah in 2003, and it asks a lot of questions about your own parents, your upbringing and your current relationship with them. Apparently the urge to throttle her has always been just below the surface. I guess some things never change, huh?