"You're old and, and... You're fat!"
That was a little gem said by my pre-schooler to my mother. Bless her heart, she said she laughed it off. Possibly after locking herself in a closet and crying for 20 minutes.
Last night grandma decided to treat the kids to Pizza Hut. Possibly because when I walked in the house and my little one latched onto my leg screaming that he was starving, I told him to go have a bowl of cereal. Or some Diet Coke. Whatever. It's Monday, and Mom's had a long day.
Soooo, we head to a Pizza Hut close to home and get 1 block away before Grandma decided she wants to go to a different Pizza Hut. Do you have any idea what kind of reaction that garnered from my starving children???? Seeing Pizza Hut only to then DRIVE AWAY?! Off we go, and Grandma decides to take the express way (We live in Chicago, "express" is a relative term) and misses the entrance. Then overshoots the next one. Will she give in and just take the streets?? Nope. The sun is setting and we're searching for the next entrance to get to Pizza Hut like it's a desert mirage.
Eventually we make it to another Pizza Hut. Little one decides the salad bar (another relative term) is a good idea. He will eat nothing but pineapple and bacon bits and doesn't even care that they've turned into pineapple chunks covered in bacon bits. Ew. The wonderful, nice waitress hears my little one saying (screeching - same thing) Grandma! Grandma! over and over so she comes and tells my mom that she's going to apply the senior discount to the order. This does not delight Grandma because she's not technically a senior (yet) So she turns to my older son, points to me and says, "Don't let her put me in a nursing home" and my darling child's eyes light up and he replies
"Yeah! You should go to a nursing home! You could live in one with a pool and I could come and visit!"
When I cleaned myself up -Dr. Pepper in one's nose is messy - I asked him if perhaps he meant one of the "55 and better" co-ops or condos instead of nursing home? At this point, he's off the subject so he doesn't really care about the specifics, so long as Grandma's going to live SOMEWHERE with a pool.