Somebody That I Used To Know

Ugh - that song has been mercilessly playing in my head, and it just won't go away. I'm far too old to be hearing random xylophone solos in my head.

At this moment, I'm sitting in a class that I usually love, listening to a professor that I usually love, talking about a topic that - you guessed it - I usually love. But today I just don't have the patience to sit still for this long. Especially knowing I'll be hopping on a plane soon to go on vacation. How is it that the days leading up to vacation suddenly seem to last longer than the last ice age?

Today's conflict - what good is a blog without conflict? - is that I need need NEED to get my fat ass moving and lose some weight. The last few months have been a study in sedentary life for me, and my body is feeling and SHOWING the effects. Problem? Besides me being lazy? I'm so out of shape that exercise sucks more than it usually does. Solution? Atkins.

In this case, the somebody that I used to know is named Dr. Atkins, and he came up with the faddiest of fad diets - the low carb craze that swept the world a few years ago. After having my second child, I needed to lose some weight, so I jumped on the bandwagon and did Atkins. Sure, it sucked, but I lose a lot of weight. And even after getting off of the diet, I didn't gain the weight back. It was all good right up until my horrid experience with prednisone, and the weight gain from that vile drug. That weight never went away. Even when I dieted, even when I exercised - which admittedly, wasn't much. Now I find myself embarrassed by my weight. I literally apologized to my husband for "being a cow." He, of course, says I'm not. But the fact is that we both know we're overweight and not getting any younger, so we've decided it's time to kick start a new lifestyle, otherwise we'll be in our 50s and too unhealthy to do anything.

I am NOT going to torture myself by going on vacation and starting a diet at the same time. My plan - and I do have one - is to begin Atkins after returning from vacation. Hubs is going to do it as well, which will make it easier for both of us. I'm excited about it, because I know if done correctly, it works. I'm nervous about it, because let's face it, if it was so easy to watch what I eat, I'd have been doing it all along. The nice thing is that even though the fad officially died, it's still pretty easy to stick to it the way it was meant to be done. Not with low carb versions of food, but with fresh veggies and lean meats. So I think it will actually be better this time around, because I won't be trying to buy everything in the store that says "Low Carb!" on the label.

Coming soon - my weight loss journey! This blog has seen a lot of my life come and go, so I may as well document this phase, too. I may even get bold enough to step on a scale so I can measure my progress. Scales are not my friend, so I don't ever look at them. I go to the doctor, she writes down my weight in my chart, and she doesn't tell me. She's cool like that. She still tells me I need to lose weight, because she's a doctor after all.

And with that, I will say that I'm going to enjoy my red wine, my mashed potatoes and my Cheerios right up until D Day. And when I start crying for "just one McNugget" please, dear readers, remind me that I can do this, ok?

A New Low

My dinner consists of Fritos and Mountain Dew. I'm sitting in a class discussing a lot of -isms and peace treaties. Is this the college experience I missed the first time around? If so, I don't think I missed much. I miss my waist line, and I guess I have Fritos and Mountain Dew to thank for that.

EDIT: Next class, next bunch of faceless seat fillers. Until one in an I <3 Zombies shirt sits down in front of me, and we have the geekiest conversation about zombies, vampires and other fun stuff AND how much our kids like them too.... and then find out that the odd duck who sits in back in a tie and jacket every day is actually a stay at home dad, and he dons those clothes just for school. Wow. And you know what's funny, on my way across campus this afternoon, I realized that I literally don't know anyone here. Any friends I've made here have already graduated, or seem to permanently reside at the other campus. Now, I'm a very, very social person, so it's kind of weird for me to come to school and NOT bother to talk to anyone. Sometimes I forget that lots of the people here are also struggling with work and parenting outside of school, and maybe that's why we all LOOK like zombies when we're here. I suppose even small connections with the people is good, right?

What now?

Sure, I should be following along with tonight's lecture, but after writing my midterms, I just don't have it in me. My intellectual stores have been emptied. So I bring you tonight's Idiot Blog.

First, let's review the week, shall we?

Dropped my kid's cell phone in the toilet. But wait, there's more. It started making some crazy, beepy, blippy R2D2 noises when I pulled it out. The intense light for the flash turned on, and wouldn't turn off. The phone started getting really hot, sooo of course I put it in the refrigerator. Well, what would you have done? So I dry it off as best as I can and put it on the charger. Later in the day, my husband calls my cell phone, and although I'm in a meeting, I answer the phone. What follows is the one sided conversation my poor co-worker heard:

No. Should I?
Yes.
In the toilet.
Well no, but I did put it in the fridge.
Yes, it made weird noises, so I put it in the fridge.

Well that was a fun little phone call to explain afterwards. I've often said they keep me employed there only for the comic value I bring.

Allow me to amend my statement above that I'm not paying attention. I was sitting behind my little laptop, minding my own business, and I heard the professor admit that after all the drinking jokes he's made, he's actually given up alcohol. The classroom went dead quiet. At least until I, seeking to understand such a decision, asked, "For lent?" SO there, I am listening. Then I went back to my own little world, when I heard him proclaim "and that was Marius" so I picked my head up again, realized I have no clue who he's really talking about, but I'd really like to go home and watch Queen of the Damned even though they screwed it up because Marius didn't make Lestat, Magnus did, and everyone knows that.....

And aren't you glad you read this post?

Cake Vodka, How Do I Love Thee?

So my new favorite beverage is cake flavored vodka. Sure, I still love a classic, big girl martini. But give me a glass of cake vodka and I'm pretty happy with my non-sophisticated self.
Found a recipe that mixes cake vodka with chocolate vodka and cherry soda and I can't *wait* to try it.

Have I developed a drinking problem?

I hear it's only a problem if you run out.... and I'm not out!

Old and Sentimental

Beats old and senile, huh?

Yesterday my darling husband arranged a birthday party for me. Standard sarcasm aside, it was very sweet of him, and it was wonderful to celebrate with everyone that came.

Unfortunatley, I'm a bit tired and um, dehydrated here at work today. Maybe if I have a beer, it'll help ....

Another One Bites the Dust

So now my plan to make him fall in love with me and run away to France will never happen.

Aside from my own personal sadness at that, I'm happy for you, Mr. Bomer.

The Tooth Fairy

My little one is 8 years old, and very sensitive. He believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. That last one is hanging on by a thread though, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to cause the other two to become extinct soon.

The last tooth he lost, he overheard me tell my husband that I have given my last $5 to him. He’s not stupid, he put 2 and 2 together and realized the only $5 he had ALLEGEDLY came from the tooth fairy. So he asked me about it. I stood behind my lie until he looked me in the eye and said, “Tell me the truth.” So I did. I told him that I put the money there.

Fast forward to this weekend, when he looses another tooth. Puts this one under the pillow, wakes up in the morning and there’s no cash there. Now he’s really mad, and comes to me saying that he thinks the tooth fairy is a lie. I stalled, didn’t give an answer either way. Told him he could put his tooth back under his pillow with a note and see what happens. Talk to hubs, we agree to continue the Big Lie. This morning I hand hubs $5 to put under the pillow. Figure I’ll tackle the talk about non-existent gift giving fairies another time.

THEN I get a text from my small child calling me a liar, and saying the tooth fairy is fake and that he believed it. I apologized and explained that when I was a kid, I loved the tooth fairy, so wanted to do the same thing for him. I don’t think he’s speaking to me now.

Anywho, I had hubs check that note that was left with the tooth. It was asking for demanding $10 (twice the normal rate!) for being late. That little extortionist!

After I apologized to the little guy, I told him to go talk to dad. It went something like this –

Little Guy: Dad, is the tooth fairy real?

Hubs: Whatever you believe in your heart, that’s what’s real.

WHAT?! Well I believe in the winning lottery ticket fairy, and that bitch hasn’t made any stops at my house. I digress. There’s something horrible about the change you see in a child’s eyes when he stops believing. That magic is gone, and replaced with a shitty reality in which your parents lie to you, and some of the best things you know are fake. They never look at Christmas morning the same again, after finding out that Santa isn’t real. Sure, they’re excited, but it’s not amazing and magical.

So now we’ve got to have a little talk, my darling sensitive child and I. And I’m going to tell him the truth. And it’s going to be harder on me than on him. *sigh*